I have a love-hate relationship with Twitter. While I love the fact that it's easy to broadcast my thoughts (and radio show!) out there and read the thoughts of others, I hate the mob mentality of the joint. Anytime someone feels wronged by a particular brand or organization and sends a tweet about the incident, hundreds or thousands of people (depending on the person's popularity) will start bashing said brand or organization. It's ridiculous.
People spend too much time on Twitter bashing companies. When was the last time someone on Twitter expressed his love for a company (when he wasn't being compensated in some form for doing so)? There are a lot of good companies out there doing great things and making a difference. However, we seldom hear about them.
With that off my chest, I want you to know that I love AMC Theaters.
Once a month, we drive about 90 miles to see a movie. Kind of strange, huh? But it's really the only movie that all members of my family can see. Once a month, AMC Theaters, in partnership with the Autism Society of America, holds a Sensory Friendly Films program. It's always a kids' flick (we've seen Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs and Where The Wild Things Are), but it's geared towards those with autism or sensory issues. During the special showing, the sound is softer than at a normal theater. The lights are dimmed so you can still see around you. You are allowed to bring in your own snacks in case your child is on a special diet. And no one looks at you funny or shushes you because your kid is wandering the aisles, bouncing, or making too much noise. It's great!
I'd like to publicly applaud AMC Theaters for their Sensory Friendly Films program. Without a program like this, families like mine would never be able to see a movie in public.
Admit Four
Coming Attractions
Over the weekend, we saw Monsters Vs. Aliens (great movie -- very funny and it looked amazing!). While waiting for the movie to start, we were treated to THREE trailers for upcoming 3D animated flicks. Apparently, Hollywood has decided to stop producing two-dimensional animated flicks and horror movies.
We saw previews for Up, Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs, and, the one we're most psyched about because it was once one of my daughter's favorite books, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs.
For those of you are unfamiliar with Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, it centers around Flint Blackwood, a failed inventor who stumbles upon a method for turning water into food.
For those of you who are familiar with Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, you may be wondering who in the hell Flint Blackwood is since there is absolutely no mention of him in the book.
What the hell?
Look. I realize Hollywood takes liberties with books. I know it's difficult turning a 20-page children's book into a 90-minute feature and it may be necessary to invent a few subplots or secondary characters. But you can't just toss in a lead character that didn't appear in the book.
It's going to end up being like Less Than Zero, where the only thing it has in common with the book is the title, isn't it?
And I can see the same thing happening to Where The Wild Things Are.
Either that or there's going to be one veeeeeeeeery long wild rumpus.
[View the Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs trailer here]
Friday The 13th
My wife and I went to see a matinee of the new (old?) Friday The 13th flick on Sunday. We were celebrating our wedding anniversary and Valentine's Day. But since we were also celebrating my birthday, I had the final say in what movie we saw. So good-bye He's Just Not That Into You and hello Friday The 13th.
Based on the title, one might believe it was a remake of the initial installment of the series. Nope.
While it does contain elements of the original Friday The 13th, it also had a bit of Friday The 13th Part III. But for the most part, it draws heavily from Friday The 13th Part II. That said, it contains just what you'd expect from any Friday The 13th movie: senseless violence, gratuitous nudity, drug use, alcohol use, and plenty of cursing.
I enjoyed it but I had two problems with the movie:
- In the new movie, Jason ran after one of his victims.
Jason does not run after his prey. Jason walks, stalking his prey as he/she runs in circles, screams, and trips over logs and crap. Eventually, Jason catches up to his prey and kills him/her. Jason doesn't need a pair of Nikes to get the job done. - There were kids in the theater.
I'm not talking about snotty little teens and preteens. I counted four children, aged 3-6, at this movie with their parents. What the hell is wrong with you people?
Kids: Just Like Us! Unfortunately.
I lost my High School Musical virginity this weekend. And while it was nowhere near as enjoyable as the real thing, it was just as messy.
Zoey received a very good report card last week, so we asked her what she would like to do to celebrate. She told us she wanted to go see High School Musical 3: Senior Year. But because I am anal and will refuse to watch a movie if I've missed the first five minutes of it, there was no way I was going to hop on the HSM train on the caboose of the trilogy. So I suggested a double feature of the first two flicks instead.
I knew most of the kids in my daughter's class had seen these movies long before now. Hell, the little boy down the street has High School Musical trading cards. But I have always believed that since these movies are about high school kids, they were inappropriate for my six-year-old daughter.
I was mistaken. You'll see far worse in an average episode of Hannah Montana than you'll see in High School Musical or High School Musical 2.
My daughter, of course, loved the movies. She already knew most of the songs thanks to YouTube, Radio Disney, and countless birthday parties. But even she had problems with the flicks.
At the end of High School Musical, while the whole school was singing We're All In This Together, Zoey turned to us and said, "What is this crap?" I felt a small tug at my heart, knowing that my young daughter could realize that all these teens from different social backgrounds (cheerleaders, jocks, band geeks, brains, Drama Club kids, etc.) wouldn't be singing such a song together. I was beaming with pride.
Then today, when we were watching the second movie and Zac Efron's character got all pissy and ran outside and started belting Bet On It, my daughter muttered, "Oh, please."
Ella looked at me and said, "I don't know if I can live with two of you."
Song of the day: You Are The Music In Me (Sharpay Version) from High School Musical 2
Fat, Drunk, And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son
The other day, I saw a sorority girl wearing a t-shirt advertising a golf tournament where the proceeds went to cancer research. The back read "Beating Cancer -- One Stroke At A Time."
Oh the double entendre!
I love sorority girls. Even when they're trying to do good, they're still a bit naughty.
Top 5 Fraternity/Sorority Movies
(Non-Porn Edition)
Yeah, I know. Not much of a segue. Delta Delta Deal with it.Honorable Mentions
The House On Sorority Row
Hell Night
Night Of The Creeps
Fraternity Vacation
Three scary movies and an 80s sexploitation flick. Sounds like the perfect date night to me!
Onto the Top 5 (I'm leaving out descriptions because I'm assuming everyone has already seen these flicks):
5. PCU
This movie featured a very strange looking
4. School Daze
Any chance you get to add a Spike Lee movie to a list, you take it.
3. Old School
"We're going streaking!" God, I love Will Ferrell. I'm a simple man with simple tastes.
2. Animal House
This movie was so great it spawned a half-assed TV show.
1. Revenge Of The Nerds
This movie was so great it spawned three half-assed sequels.
Wow. There are two Jeremy Piven movies on my list. He was in two of the movies I featured last week, too. I'm beginning to think I have a crush on him or something.
So what are your favorite non-porn fraternity/sorority movies? We'll save the porno titles for a future date.
Song of the day: Kyrie by Mr. Mister
Songs From Movies
Music has always been a very important part of my life. I've seen hundreds of concerts. Bought ten times as many albums/tapes/CDs/mp3s. Sang in bands. Played in bands. Done the college dj thing. Nowadays, I make up silly songs for the kids.
Certain songs have special meanings for me. Some songs become personal theme songs. Some songs put me in a good mood. Some songs put me in a sad mood. Some songs take me back to a particular moment in my life. While there was no song playing during my first kiss, I can you tell you at least twenty songs that were popular that week.
Some songs take me to the movies.
TOP FIVE SONGS FROM MOVIES
I thought it would be fun to list the top five songs that, when I hear them, immediately take me to the movie scene in which they were featured.I made two rules for myself when I did this:
- The song had to be somewhat popular. Today's song of the day came from Some Kind Of Wonderful. I love this song and that movie, but this is not a song you can hear on the radio, so it was not considered.
- The song could not have been recorded specifically for the movie. Most movie theme songs are memorable, so that's too easy. Hearing "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" will instantly remind you of Ghostbusters. And bad 80s fashion.
Stuck In The Middle With You from Reservoir Dogs
This song would probably come in at number six.
My Way/Layla from Goodfellas
They seamlessly went from Sid Vicious to the piano part from Layla. I love this! But since it's actually two songs, I didn't put it on the list.
Purple Rain
The entire album could be on this list, especially the title track. But it didn't pass the second rule I made for myself.
Fight The Power from Do The Right Thing
This song should've won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, it was used so much in the film. But since I couldn't tie it to a particular scene, I didn't include it on the list despite it being one of my favorite songs and one of my favorite movies.
Intentionally Omitted Because They Suck
Unchained Melody from Ghost
Yeah, this song makes me think of the stupid pottery scene. But the song sucks and the flick sucks more.
Old Time Rock And Roll from Risky Business
Great flick, but one of the worst songs of all time. And I don't want any song making me think of Tom Cruise in his underwear.
Ok. Here's the Top 5:
5. 99 Luftballons from Grosse Pointe Blank [view clip]
This scene actually opens with John Cusack's character killing the hit man to the tune of The English Beat's Mirror In The Bathroom. But then Minnie Driver's character comes in and finds what he's done. Her jaw drops and Nena starts playing. Cusack gives a small speech to Jeremy Piven as the drums kick in. And as the song speeds up, they are shown carrying the body down the steps. It's almost as if this song was written for the movie. Hell, it's in German so maybe it was.
This entire movie makes good use of the music that plays in the background.
4. Where Is My Mind? from Fight Club [view clip]
Buildings crumble over Frank Black's falsetto. Roll credits. I don't know if you could've found a better song to be the theme for this scene and the movie.
3. In Your Eyes from Say Anything [view clip]
Seriously, who doesn't think of John Cusack holding the boombox over his head when they hear this song?
2. A Quick One, While He's Away from Rushmore [view clip]
Songs are characters in Wes Anderson's movies. This flim was his crowning achievement and one of my favorite movies of all time.
1. Bohemian Rhapsody from Wayne's World [view clip]
I never said these songs conjured up good images!
I love this song but every time I hear it, I can't help thinking of Wayne and Garth headbanging. I wish I could unremember this scene.
So what songs make you think of particular movie scenes?
Song of the day: Can't Help Falling In Love by Lick The Tins
Live Blogging The Oscars
Despite the fact that I had only seen one Oscar-nominated flick this year (Juno), I decided to blog the Oscars on Sunday night. Thankfully, I wasn't alone. Motherbumper dropped by and covered the red carpet (not my bag) and helped with the ceremony, too!
MB: Yo, it's motherbumper and I'm camped in front of the boob tube with my bucket of chicken and laptop (really, what more does a girl need). I don't try to fool myself and think I could ever look like those Hollywood folk so why not enjoy myself with some grease and couch potatoing (is that a verb? if not, it really should be). Chag doesn't do red carpet stuff.. which is funny considering I usually do red carpet only. What can I say? I'm totally superficial when it comes to award shows.
Oh running out of time, - must find wet wipes to keep grease off keyboard.
MB: Okay, I'm watching some pre-stuff and apparently no one has shown up yet. I'm salivating at the thought of Paris showing up and getting thrown out of the ceremony. She apparently has been banned. Right now, it's all media interviewing media, talking all about years past, and having the Juno vs Atonement Best Picture debate.
I will not hide the fact that the only movies I've seen from this year nominee list are Eastern Promises, Ratatouille, and Surf's Up. Now that's just plain sad.
MB: ohhhhh aerial coverage on ABC is care of the Good Year Blimp. How archaically poetic in this day of technology.
MB: They are saying it's cold so let's prepare for HIGHBEAMS folks! (I never claimed to be mature).
MB: Galliano red dress worn by Heidi Klum - media jumps on fact that she isn't wearing Michael Kors. Is that considered a fashion faux pas? Her bag doesn't match the dress. That's as catty as I'll get with her. Seal looks dapper. They look like they might go for a quickie in the coat closet before the show. They're like that.
MB: Dude with mike (didn't catch name) said because of the strike there was only 10 days to write jokes for Oscars. Apparently it usually takes seven months. Yikes! that's pressure for Jon Stewart.
MB: George Clooney is there and lone behold, he's wearing a suit. It looks ironed so I'll say he put together a successful ensemble. Good lord, the people are going nuts. To me, he will always be George Burnett from the Facts of Life. Yes, I faithfully watched FoL... everyone has their vices.
MB: Tom Wilkinson looks like my Dad. He looks relaxed and seems to be giving the interviewers a look of "wow, I can't believe you are asking me these silly questions". That's my Dad (Editor note: Tom Wilkinson is not my Dad).
MB: Amy Ryan - love LOVE the colour of the dress, like the shoulder, but not sure about that belt. My goodness, those earrings are incredibly swingy. They look like they would hurt if they were say, I don't know: embedded in your back because they were hurled across the carpet from too much head shaking. Oh god, please stop shaking your head, Amy!
MB: George Clooney's date is wearing a very ummmm 80's dress. I think dress was at my prom in 1987. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
MB: That film critic Richard Roeper is covering the red carpet on ABC and he just said that Atonement didn't deserve a nomination. That's pretty funny and kinda ballsy. I didn't see that movie but mostly because it looked too boring. I've been known to be wrong about these things.
MB: Oh I wanted to see American Gangster. So many people are wearing red - it's crazy. My favorite so far is Ruby Dee (American Gangster).
MB: Who is that in the leopard print dress? I have to see it full length - that is one crazy looking dress. Is that Diablo Cody? DAMN she looks good.
MB: Amy Adams looks nice in green but my god! could that have any more seams? Daniel Day-Lewis - love the brown piping, kinda gives it a lawrence-welk appeal. Only he could carry that off. Jennifer Garner looks freakin' spectacular. I don't care if she is wearing "boring" black, she rocks.
MB: Amy Adams purse is to die for. Miley Cyrus is keeping the red theme going strong. Why is she at the Oscars? Is this to pull in the tween demographic?
MB: Laura Linney looks poured into her dress - in a good way. OMG I love that leopard print on Diablo Cody - skull and cross earrings - oh break my heart - I have a couple of new girl crushes.
MB: Sean P-Diddy Puff-Daddy Combs (SpdPdC? ) is wearing a bow-tie. Now that's what my Dad would be wearing. (Editor's Note: SpdPdC is not my Dad).
MB: Saoirse Ronan is so cute. I want to adopt her. Oh lordy, who is wearing the fish dress - or is that a mermaid? OH MY HOLY Jessica Alba is rocking her bump. Too bad about the dead bird on the neckline.
MB: I'm totally taking back the Jennifer Garner comment - I just saw it full length and it reminds me of a something that was pulled over a toilet paper roll in my childhood neighbour's black and white bordello inspired bathroom.
MB: So that Mermaid dress is on Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) and it's Jean Paul Gauthier. That makes sense. But I've never really liked the idea of mermaid dresses ever since that episode of 90210 when Donna wore the mermaid costume to that frat Halloween party and almost got taken advantage of because of a wardrobe malfunction. Yup, mermaid dresses are almost always bad news.
MB: Viggo is breaking my heart. Is that his daughter? Big sigh. He looks like he just walked out of a funeral in a western but he's rockin' that lapel rose. I loved Eastern Promises but I'm a sucker for the Cronenburg/Mortenson combo. It's his niece. That makes him the coolest uncle ever.
CD: Do the ladies still get all hot and bothered for Patrick Dempsey? Or has his time past?
MB: Past. Mark my word: past. Oh god, spare me, Regis is here.
CD: I think either Regis or Ryan Seacrest has to show up for every one of these things. It's a law or something.
CD: John Travolta looks like Eddie Munster to me.
MB: New crush: Javiar Bardem. He's so Steve McQueen. I have a confession: this is the first time I've heard Miley Speak - her voice is deep. Are you sure she's 15 and not a 35 well preserved smoker?
CD: I was just telling Ella I think Miley's voice is deeper than mine.
MB: I demand proof of her age. Mickey Rooney is there? (he's still alive?)
CD: We'll find out for sure when they do their People Who Died montage.
MB: PriceWaterCooper is in the house! (sorry, I used to work for them). I'm legally obligated to do that.
CD: Thank God for teen pregnancy!
CD: Stewart's jokes would probably be much funnier if I had actually seen some of these movies.
CD: That Across The Universe costume looked like something from Yo Gabba Gabba.
CD: She's a costume designer? Couldn't she have designed a better dress for herself?
CD: Nicely done, Diet Coke! We need more zombies in commercials.
CD: Final score: Carolina 89 Wake Forest 73.
CD: The Oscars would be a lot shorter if it weren't for all these damn montages. Twenty minutes in and they've given out one award.
CD: @Darren: I have no idea what Persepolis is. But I know there's no damn way my daughter would "read" an animated movie.
CD: Was Katherine Heigl nervous or what?
CD: I'm sure the people behind the Oscars are glad the voters didn't give the award to Norbit.
CD: That song got nominated but they couldn't throw a bone to Kimya Dawson?
CD: Every time I see Amy Adams, all I can picture is her character from Drop Dead Gorgeous.
CD: @Mandy: I'm ashamed to admit this, but I actually kind of wanted to see Enchanted.
CD: Why is The Rock here?
Ella: (while looking at The Rock) He looks like he could be the Oscar.
CD: Whit is posting Oscar pics over at Famecrawler.
CD: @Cher: According to IMDB, Jeffrey Dean Morgan played the role of Denny Duquette on Grey's Anatomy (my wife thought the same thing you did).
CD: I'm rooting for Casey. I've always thought he was the more talented Affleck.
CD: And Jeffrey Dean Morgan Javier Bardem wins the Best Supporting Actor award.
CD: Pee Wee!
CD: Raise It Up didn't do it for me either, but that little girl has some pipes!
CD: Wes Anderson needs to let Owen Wilson start co-writing his screenplays again.
CD: First, a montage on periscopes and binoculars. Then a montage on startled awakenings. Now, a montage on bee stings. The hell?
MB: The strike is really showing it's impact. I'd believe this ceremony was put together by the event committee at Dunder-Mifflin. And holy stumbling announcers.
CD: Motherbumper... shhh! Jessica Alba's on!
MB: Dude, she's giving the recap of the nerdy AV awards. OK the Jack and pregnant people in attendance was the best joke so far.
CD: What? She was talking?
CD: I love the Coen brothers. I need to see this movie. Glad to see they won the Adapted screenplay Oscar.
MB: Miley Cyrus? How the heck does she get to present? What has she done of significance? And I think that's the first time she has ever said the word "culture".
CD: I don't know how they choose the presenters. I'm still aghast over The Rock.
CD: Whit was right. That's How You Know was better than the first Enchanted song. But not by much.
CD: The baby goes to... By far the funniest joke of the evening!
CD: The writers wasted Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Pity.
MB: I like the way Forest Whitaker says "Blanchette". Rawr.
CD: I like Laura Linney. I'd like to see her win. Or Ellen Page.
CD: Show of hands, please. Who has actually seen La Vie en Rose? That's what I thought.
MB: OMG I had that dress for dinner the other night. Served with a some dill in a cream sauce. It was delish.
CD: Even Jon Stewart is bored. He's playing Wii.
CD: @Mandy: Thanks for proving me wrong!
CD: @Darren: Me, too. I was always an arthouse regular. Not anymore.
CD: Falling Slowly was by far the best song of the night thus far. Great tune!
CD: After seeing some of the past Best Picture winners, do you think the Oscars ever wish they could have a do-over?
CD: I enjoyed the piece on Robert Boyle. I hope I look that good and can speak that well when I'm 98.
CD: Like I'm really going to live to be 98.
CD: @Whit: I would like to see them let EVERYONE talk. Unless you start thanking your mother's gardener and your old babysitter or something like that.
CD: Penelope Cruz just doesn't do it for me. Am I alone?
CD: After hearing those three Enchanted songs, I don't want to see that movie anymore. Definitely rooting for Falling Slowly.
CD: I'm glad Falling Slowly won, too.
CD: Thanks to Whit, I'm now a Penelope Cruz fan (every male should check out the link he left in the comments).
CD: It was nice that they let Marketa Irglova back on stage to say her thanks. They must be running ahead of schedule.
CD: Someone needed to write out Cameron Diaz's lines phonetically on the teleprompter.
CD: Time for the People Who Died montage!
CD: I always hate this part where some dead celebrities get more applause than others. They should mute the audience during this portion.
CD: @Bagger's carpet boy: I haven't seen Youth Without Youth. And yeah, I'm pretty disappointed with Stewart tonight.
CD: "Auto mechanic by day, hero by night" sounds like the next summer CGI blockbuster.
CD: I'd like to see Michael Moore win just so he can get up there and rant for a bit.
CD: Feel free to throw me a line in the comments, people. We've reached the dull portion of the Oscars.
CD: @Mandy: Is Shake Hands With The Devil a documentary? According to IMDB (which can be wrong), it looks like a movie based on a book.
CD: Come on, Diablo Cody!
CD: Yes! You gotta love the former stripper wins Oscar storyline. Wonder how long till Hollywood turns that into a movie?
CD: This just shows Juno won't win Best Picture. They always give the screenplay nod to the movies I like and then snub them for best pictures. See: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Almost Famous, Fargo, The Usual Suspects, Sideways, Little Miss Sunshine, etc.
CD: Will Johnny Depp ever win an Oscar? Or will he be collecting an honorary one years down the road?
CD: Yeah for the Coen brothers! I love all their movies, but just haven't gotten a chance to catch this one yet.
CD: And a Best Picture win for the Coen brothers as well! Definitely have to check this flick out soon.
So there you have it. I'm done. Going to bed.
I'd like to thank Motherbumper for helping me out on the ride. I'd like to thank everyone who came out and commented during my live blogging. I'd like to thank everyone who dropped by. I couldn't have done it without you guys! I'd like to thank my wife, Ella, for putting the kids to bed tonight so I could do this. I'd like to thank--
[cue the "get the hell off the stage" music]
Song of the day: Milkshake by Kelis
At This Rate, I'll Soon Have My Own Review Show (I Am Much More Photogenic Than Gene Shalit)
It's January 14th and I've already seen two movies this year. TWO!
There was a time when we'd see two movies in a weekend. There was a time when we drove forty-five miles to the nearest indie theater to catch a flick. There was a time when we didn't have kids.
The first movie I saw this year was Alvin And The Chipmunks, which was nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. It was still pretty bad, but I was expecting far worse. Today, Ella and I caught Juno, which is just as great as everyone who goes to movies on a regular basis has already said it is, so I'll spare you a review.
But soon I'll be seeing my third movie of 2008!
On Friday, I picked up advance tickets to one of the many February 2nd showings of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour. Yeah, I might've jumped the gun a bit. But since concert tickets to Hannah shows were sold on the secondary market at a billion dollars a pop, I didn't want to take any chances and break my daughter's heart. See, for reasons I do not understand, they're only keeping this in theaters for one week. Hannah is a freaking cash cow. Disney should be milking it for all it is worth, right? Or am I missing something here?
My wife is looking forward to this because she's a big dork and actually likes the songs and because the Jonas Brothers are in it and she's got some kind of secret sick crush on them she's yet to admit. The only reason I'm looking forward to it because the movie's in 3-D. Which means that… the movie's in 3-D. Seriously, why does this movie need to be in 3-D? Is it so my daughter can bitch for ninety minutes about wearing cardboard glasses? (There were several jokes I tried to make here, but every one made me sound like a pedophile.)
Or is it just so they can charge an additional $2 for the ticket?
P.S. If anyone wants to sneak out of the house on Friday night after the kids have gone to bed and catch Cloverfield, give me a ring. I won't tell if you won't tell.
Song of the day: Vampire by Antsy Pants
Five For Friday: Vampire And Zombie Double Feature
It's nearing Halloween, so let's talk horror movies! Today, let's focus on zombies and vampires.
Top Five Vampire Movies
First of all, let's get the also-rans out of the way:Honorable Mentions: Blood & Donuts, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Hunger, My Best Friend is a Vampire, Once Bitten, Shadow Of The Vampire
Intentionally Omitted Because They Suck: Blade (all three of them), Bram Stoker's Dracula, Interview With The Vampire, Vampire In Brooklyn
The Film Snob In Me Thinks This Should Be In The Top Five But The Gore Fan In Me Says Screw It: Nosferatu
Now onto the Top Five:
5. Fright Night
After learning his next-door neighbor is a vampire, a teenager goes to a cheesy late-night television horror movie host for help. A funny flick that is often overlooked.
4. Salem's Lot
This movie scared the hell out of me when it came out. Might have been because I was nine at the time. It's no longer scary, but it's still a great movie.
3. The Lost Boys
You've all seen this. A very stylish movie that just reeks of the 80s. And it stars the Coreys!
2. Vampire's Kiss
Nicolas Cage stars as a publisher who may or may not be a vampire in one of the funniest and most outlandish roles of his career.
1. Near Dark
A band of vampires stalk tiny western towns, looking for prey. The young female vampire turns a teenager into a vampire and he must choose between his own survival and protecting his family. The movie has a great ending that teaches you how to reverse the effects of vampirism (should the need ever arise).
Top Five Zombie Movies
First of all, let's get the also-rans out of the way:Honorable Mentions: 28 Days Later, Re-Animator, Shaun Of The Dead
Intentionally Omitted Because They Suck: Night Of The Comet, Pet Sematary
The Film Snob In Me Thinks This Should Be In The Top Five But The Gore Fan In Me Says Screw It: Night Of The Living Dead
Now onto the Top Five:
5. Dawn Of The Dead (original version)
Zombies at the mall! And yeah, there's a message in there, too.
4. Evil Dead II
For the longest time, this was one of my favorite movies. I could quote damn near every line from it. It probably should've been ranked higher.
3. Dead Alive (Braindead)
A monkey bites a woman, turning her into a zombie. One of the bloodiest movies ever made, this flick was directed by Peter Jackson, who went on to make movies about Hobbits and large gorillas.
2. Return Of The Living Dead
A moron unleashes a dangerous chemical which causes all the dead in the nearby cemetery to rise from their graves. Probably best known for Linnea Quigley's stripping. Great soundtrack!
1. Cemetery Man (Dellamorte Dellamore)
Ella refers to this movie as "an artsy-fartsy horror porno." If that doesn't make you want to see it, nothing I say will change your mind. Stars Rupert Everett as a guy who's paid to take care of a cemetery where the dead rise every night.
P.S. If anyone sees 30 Days Of Night this weekend, please drop me a note and let me know how it was. That flick looks very promising to me.
P.P.S. While there is a damn good chance that most of my posts for the rest of the month will be somewhat related to Halloween, I do know that all my Songs Of The Day for the rest of the month will revolve around Halloween. Just a friendly warning for those who might not be interested.
P.P.P.S. What are your favorite vampire and zombie flicks?
Song of the day: Cry Little Sister by Gerard McMann
Women Are From Venus, Men Eat Buffalo Wings
On Saturday, Ella and I were able to go on a rare afternoon date! This was our second date this summer, so we need to be careful before we spoil ourselves.
We caught Superbad, which not as funny as we had hoped. I wanted to see Rob Zombie's Halloween and Ella wanted to see The Nanny Diaries, so we compromised. The first twenty minutes of Superbad were quite funny (especially Jonah Hill's "art problem"), but it all went downhill after they went to the liquor store.
The theater was about half filled, but we had two Hetero Guys seated near us trying to out-hetero each other during the sleeping bag scene near the end. "I'm feeling uncomfortable," said Hetero #1. "This just ain't right," replied Hetero #2. Grow up, fellas. It's 2007.
Before the movie, we had lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm always on the search for the perfect buffalo wing, so we decided to give them a try (verdict: decent wings, but far from perfect). The place was packed with Appalachian State fans cheering on their team. We were able to see the first half of the Greatest Upset In The History Of Sports before leaving to see the movie.
On the way to the theater, I was telling Ella how I'd like to go back to the restaurant. "I bet you would," she said. "There's a billion televisions with sports and all they serve is man food." "Man food?" I asked. "Buffalo wings, potato skins, cheese sticks, deep-fried appetizer crap," she replied. "If that's man food, what's woman food? A salad?" I asked her. She didn't have an answer for me.
So, if buffalo wings, potato skins, cheese sticks, and the like are "man food," what is woman food? I know most of my readers are women, so I'd really like to hear your thoughts.
And if anyone knows of a chain that makes great wings (spicy, but flavorful), let me know.
Song of the day: Valerie by The Zutons
Five For Friday: Friday The 13th Sequels
I know this post will interest less than ten percent of you (the same could be said for most of my posts), but in honor of Friday the 13th, I thought it would be fun to list the top five Friday The 13th sequels.
Friday The 13th was a classic horror flick that spawned ten sequels. It featured a young Kevin Bacon. It's amazing how many famous actors have done horror flicks early in their careers:
- Johnny Depp in A Nightmare On Elm Street
- Jennifer Aniston in Leprechaun
- John Travolta in Carrie
- Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, Halloween II, The Fog, Prom Night, and Terror Train
- Renée Zellweger AND Matthew McConaughey in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
I've always loved the Friday The 13th movies. Sure, there were some missteps along the way: Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (A paramedic pretending to be Jason? No thanks.), Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (Jason's soul changes bodies? No thanks.), and Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (Telepathy? No thanks.). But for the most part, the series kicked ass.
Here are my top 5 Friday The 13th sequels:
5. Jason X
Jason in Space. Jason looked like a total badass in this movie.
4. Friday The 13th Part III
This is the flick where Jason first donned the hockey mask. This installment was filmed in 3-D. Every movie should be shown in 3-D. Especially porn.
3. Freddy Vs. Jason
Jason vs. Freddy Krueger, the star of the A Nightmare On Elm Street flicks. I was soooo looking forward to this for such a long time. It was a great flick, but not nearly as good as it could have been.
2. Friday The 13th Part II
The one where Jason starts doing the ass kicking to avenge his mother's death!
1. Friday The 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter
This movie is great on so many levels. The More twins. The ending, where a young Tommy Jarvis shaves his head and "becomes" Jason in order to take down Jason. Gratitous sex, nudity, drug use, and bad acting.
But one day, film historians will honor this movie as a significant cinematic achievement because this is the first and only film where two of the greatest thespians of our time, Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover, share the screen.
I hope everyone has a happy Friday the 13th!
Song of the day: Rise by Public Image Limited
Five For Friday: 80s High School Flicks
Last week, The Lovely Mrs. Davis penned a great piece on the high school flicks of the mid-to-late 80s in which she wondered if other generations have movies that capture their high school experiences so well. As someone who went to high school during those years, it was a topic I could totally embrace.
But me? I want to know what happened to the teenage sex flicks that were commonplace in the early 80s. Movies like Fraternity Vacation, Hardbodies, Joysticks, The Last American Virgin, Losin' It, Mischief, Porky's, Private Resort, Private School, and Spring Break. Movies that were about guys, usually with a virgin in tow, trying to hook up with as many women as possible. Movies with gratuitous nudity.
What happened to this genre? Has there been a movie released this millennium that belongs to this genre other than the extremely smart and funny The Girl Next Door? Are you telling me there's not a market for this type of flick today? Have we turned into a nation of prudes? Or are they just released directly to DVD to show up eventually on Cinemax?
When I was in the seventh grade, our English class took a field trip to see the movie Gandhi. The movie was nineteen hours long. About a fourth of the way through the film, a few of my friends and I went to the lobby to get a drink or play a video game or take a leak or ANYTHING to get us out of that movie for a few moments. We looked at the marquee to see what other films were showing at the theater. And that's when we saw those two glorious words on the marquee, glowing as if a light had shone down from heaven: Spring Break. We immediately decided to ditch Gandhi and sneak into that flick.
To this day, I know we made the right decision.
Anyway, because I have nothing else to write about thought it would be fun, here are my Top 5 80s High School Flicks:
5. Some Kind Of Wonderful
It would probably be sacrilegious not to include at least one John Hughes flick in any discussion of 80s high school flicks. I had a major crush on Mary Stuart Masterson and loved her Watts character. Plus, at the end, Eric Stoltz chooses her over the popular Lea Thomson character (which is what was DEAD WRONG with Pretty In Pink -- Molly Ringwald should've ended up with Duckie at the end!).
4. The Last American Virgin
When you watch this movie, you feel like you're looking at actual high school students. They look the part and act the part. They feel the part. The first half of the flick is of the typical teenage sex flick genre, but then movie switches gears and turns into an emotional drama. And the un-Hollywood Ending will leave you yelling at the television (I deliberatively omitted plot details because this movie is not as well-known as the others on my list). Check it out if you haven't already seen it.
3. Valley Girl
Remember when Nicolas Cage still made cool movies? Nicolas Cage, a punkish character, falls in love with a Valley Girl and none of their friends approve of the relationship (sound familiar?). And like so many of the high school flicks of the 80s, it ends at a prom/school dance. This movie also had one of the best soundtracks ever.
2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High
Jeff Spicoli. The Phoebe Cates pool scene. Mr. Hand. The Phoebe Cates pool scene. Mall culture. The Phoebe Cates pool scene. The "Where Are They Now?" end credits. The Phoebe Cates pool scene. Was there a better high school flick in the 80s? Why yes, there was…
1. Heathers
This is how I wish I had spent my years in high school.
What are your favorite high school flicks from the 80s?
Song of the day: I Melt With You by Modern English
Film Slob
I was once a film buff. Past tense. Before I had kids and I still had a little bit of disposable income and time, I would regularly drive forty to sixty minutes to the nearest indie cinemas to catch movies.
I even tried to start a film club once with some of my friends and their wives/girlfriends. I had big dreams of showing double features based on director, genre, leading actor/actress, screenwriter, etc. In my mind, we would sit around and watch the films and then have a big discussion about them afterward.
So I started sending out feelers to my friends.
Me: Want to come over to our house and watch Citizen Kane?
Them: Nah. Let's rent Joe Dirt instead.
I immediately knew my idea was dead in the water before I fired up the DVD player.
Why am I telling you this? Because last night I caught a flick that was worth telling you guys about.
It's been in limited release for a while now, so I'm sure those of you in the major metropolises have already had a chance to see it if you wished. But since I live in the South, it takes some time before movies that don't have numbers at the end of their titles to trickle down our way.
The movie is called Gwoemul (The Host). It's a South Korean flick. It's subtitled (don't groan). But when I read a review that likened it to a cross between Jaws and Little Miss Sunshine, I knew then that I had to see this movie.
The movie is about a monster (picture a mutant catfish with legs) that lives in the Han River. When a man's daughter is captured by the monster, he and the rest of his dysfunctional family band together to save her after the government refuses to help them.
While the movie can been viewed as pro-environment and anti-American (the monster is created after an Army pathologist orders a man to pour formaldehyde into a sink that empties into the Han River), it is, at its heart, a good old-fashioned monster flick. And unlike most monster flicks, you're not teased with a second of a fin here, a splash of a tail here, etc. You see the entire monster before the first reel is changed.
So if anyone's seen Gwoemul, feel free to email me if you'd like to discuss it. Or we can talk about Joe Dirt. Your call.
***
P.S. Sunday is Mr. Big Dubya's birthday. Go by his virtual birthday party and wish him a good one. And be careful at your party, dude. I've heard turning 40 can be very taxing on one's body.
Song of the day: My Philosophy by Boogie Down Productions
Channeling Samuel L.
My daughter has developed a rather annoying habit lately. When I ask her to do something, she'll reply, "What?"
I know she hears me. I know she understands me. But rather than turn her attention from her toys or art or television, she'll just say "What?" without even looking at me. Drives me absolutely crazy.
And yesterday, I finally snapped.
We needed to go to the grocery store. I was changing Zed's diaper.
Me: Put your shoes on.
Zoey: What?
Me: Put your shoes on!
Zoey: What?
Me: Does your Daddy look like a moron?
She looked at me, puzzled, probably afraid to tell me how she really felt.
Me: What room you in?
Zoey: What?
Me: What ain't no room I know. Do they speak English in What?
Zoey: What?
Me: English! Zoey! DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Zoey: Yes.
Me: Then you understand what I'm saying?
Zoey: Yes.
Me: Now tell me if you think your Daddy looks like a moron.
Zoey: What?
At this point, I got really upset. I put Zed on the floor and got right in Zoey's face.
Me: Say What again! C'mon, say What again! I dare ya. I double dare ya, Zoey! Say What one more time!
She was speechless.
Me: Now describe what Daddy looks like.
Zoey: Well... you have brown hair.
Me: Go on!
Zoey: And you've got a goatee.
Me: Do I look like a moron?
Zoey: What?
I picked her up and put her in her timeout chair. As usual, she started crying.
Me: DO I LOOK LIKE A MORON, ZOEY!!!
Zoey: No.
Me: Then why did you pretend you didn't hear me?
Zoey: I didn't.
Me: Yes, you did, Zoey. You pretended not to hear me. You ever read the Bible, Zoey?
Zoey: At school. In the room we take food for people who don't have food.
Me: There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Proverbs 23:13. "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death."
I must've blacked out because I don't remember what happened next. I can tell you we had a pleasant grocery store experience. However, when I went to pay for our groceries, the words Bad MotherFucker were embroidered on my wallet.
Crazy.
On An Island In The Sun
Ok. Mrs. Fortune tagged me with a meme she created. She gave birth just nineteen days ago and is already blogging, reading others' blogs (while rocking her kiddo), and making up her own memes. It sounds like she hit the ground running and hasn't stopped yet. Amazing.
Back to the meme. You're supposed to list which three books, three movies, three CDs, and three people you would want with you if you were stranded on a desert island. Below is my contribution.
BOOKS
I used to read. I used to do a lot of things. But I hate to admit that the only books I've read since the kids have come into my life are those damn What To Expect books. Sad. But here are the three I would have to have with me on that island:Catcher In The Rye
I know it's cliché. But I have reread this book so many times in my life it's almost scary. I'm not at the Chapman level, but I'm damned close.
Breakfast Of Champions
Catcher is my favorite book, but Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. is my favorite author.
How To Survive On A Desert Island With Just Three Books, Three Movies, Three CDs, And Three Other People
I was going to bring a big book of Sudoku puzzles or a Tom Robbins novel, but I figured this book would better serve my needs.
MOVIES
This is a tough one. I love movies. I tried several years ago to get a movie appreciation/discussion group going with some of my friends, but they're all savages.Rushmore
Best. Movie. Ever.
Quirky characters. Great dialogue. Awesome soundtrack. What more could you want?
"Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything. But they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it." Words we should all live by.
Rushmore is my Rushmore.
Goodfellas
I love gangster flicks and while there are so many great ones to chose from, Goodfellas is my favorite. "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." Actually, that's a lie. I always wanted to be a rockstar. But Henry Hill made the thug life look cool as hell.
Jaws
Yeah, I know when you're on a small island completely surrounded by water, the last thing you should be watching is a movie about a killer shark. But I can't help it. Jaws was my Star Wars. It was the flick that made me fall in love with movies. I would proudly wear my Jaws t-shirt everywhere I went when I was six years old. I have the pics to prove it.
MUSIC
Christ. This has to be the hardest question I've ever answered. I'm assuming I can't just take three CDs crammed with mp3s at a substandard 96kbps bitrate. Can I trade in one of my three books for another CD? How about one of my people? If not, I hope my three people can also bring along three CDs each so that Bloodletting (Concrete Blonde), Kerosene Hat (Cracker), Ben Folds Live (Ben Folds), The Downward Spiral (Nine Inch Nails), MTV Unplugged In New York (Nirvana), Wave Of Mutilation: The Best Of The Pixies (Pixies), It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back (Public Enemy), Never Mind The Bollocks Here's The Sex Pistols (Sex Pistols), and Cereal Killers (Too Much Joy) will also be present on the island.Destroyer (Kiss)
This album is nowhere near one of my favorites of all time. It's probably not even in my Top 100. But it takes me back to when life was simpler. And that's worth something, right?
This is the first album I ever bought. As a young lad, I was nursed on country music and AM radio. One day, I was at the local drug store and this album was calling to me from the racks. I didn't know who they were or what they sounded like. I only knew I had to have it. I begged my mother to buy it for me. She looked at the cover and was skeptical, but I was relentless so she finally caved.
I went home and put it on my record player. And my life was forever changed.
Appetite For Destruction (Guns N' Roses)
They released this album when I was 17. I remember being blown away the very first time I head it. Axl's voice, Slash's guitar, it was all so raw. It was an amazing record. It became the soundtrack to my senior year in high school.
Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology (Ramones)
Is there a better way to spend your days at the beach than listening to perfect two-minute pop songs? Nope.
PEOPLE
According to Mrs. Fortune's rules, you're not allowed to take your spouse/partner or your kids.Like I was gonna.
It would be easy to go the intellectual route and invite people like Jesus and Gandhi. But if I'm going to be stuck on an island, I want to have some fun! Everyone would bring celebrities, right? It's just not me, is it?
I thought about bringing John Lydon because he's very opinionated and outspoken. But after five minutes, he would probably call me an asshole and move to the other side of the island.
I thought about bring George W. Bush. But after five minutes, I would probably call him an asshole and move to the other side of the island.
I thought about bringing Crispin Glover. But after five minutes, he would probably become friends with a coconut and forget about me.
I thought about bringing Mike Tyson because I would never tire of hearing him mangle the English language in his high-pitched voice. But eventually he would come to the realization that I was laughing at him and would beat me until I was dead. And that doesn't sound like much fun.
Maybe having celebrities tag along isn't such a good idea. I would get very hungry on the island, so maybe I should bring along a few famous cooks. Maybe Emeril or Rachel Ray or some other people on those food channels that everyone's always talking about.
But that would eventually get pretty boring, hanging out with cooks all day long.
And besides, I think I'd be hungry for something else. So let's invite these three based solely on their sex appeal:
Eva Longoria
Keira Knightley
Jenny McCarthy (it's my meme, I can do what I want)
But even that could eventually get old. Eventually. Like in twenty years or so. So I decided to go with three famous women who are not only attractive but seem intelligent and funny as well:
Marisa Tomei
Sarah Silverman
Tina Fey
And maybe Eva Longoria can lead our rescue party? A guy can dream.
Ok. You can opt out if you like, but I'm tagging the following people: Mrs. Pygmalion (because she loooooves memes and probably wouldn't mind being on a desert island), Paige, Freezio, and both John & Kristen.
Bill Murray Triple Feature
WILD THINGS
We made it through the weekend in one piece. Both kids had fun at the birthday party (which was held at a Little Gym in a nearby town) until the very end. Zed got hungry so I had to feed him. Unfortunately, this coincided with the present opening portion of the party. And everyone who has ever been to a birthday party with ten or more toddlers knows how frustrating opening presents can be. You've got the guest of honor s--l--o--w--l--y opening his/her gifts while a bunch of little vultures hover nearby, unable to comprehend why this kid gets all these presents while they're not getting a thing. Total. Chaos. All I could do was sit back and hope Zoey didn't cause too much trouble. But she was good, especially in comparison with some of the other kids.When we returned from the party, Ella was home. I gave her a kiss, handed her the kids, and
Next time Ella leaves town, we're hiring a nanny to help me. Preferably, a hot little number.
WHAT ABOUT BOB?
I didn't finish in the top 4 (out of 10) in the Best Daddy Blog category in this year's BOB Awards. Can't say I'm too surprised; I was up against nine great sites. Like last time, I managed to get a little more than 3% of the popular vote. Ouch!Why do I suddenly feel like Susan Lucci?
Anyway, I'd like to thank the my friends at Child's Play x2, Friday Playdate, MFA Mama, Morphing Into Mama, and My Own Circle Of Confusion for encouraging their readers to vote for me. I'd also like to thank and anyone and everyone who voted for me.
Finally, I'd like to thank the folks behind the BOB Awards. You guys sent a lot of new readers my way and introduced me to a lot of blogs I wasn't familiar with, including my current fave, Blogography.
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Dutch and Wood are hosting The First Annual Sweet Juniper Weird Search Hit Contest. I've been visiting a few times a day toUnfortunately, I have only been receiving disturbing searches lately. Go to Google and type in I hate you daddy and guess who's the #1 result? Why do I feel that will also be the #1 phrase uttered by my children in the future?
I've also been receiving a lot of pedophilic searches lately. Remember, I am a dad who writes about his daughter a lot. I have posts entitled Porn Or Toddlerspeak: You Make The Call!, Is There A Way To Segue From Vomit To Fellatio?, and Sex And The Suburbs. You can imagine the searches I've received. Sick bastards.
The way I look at is if I can keep these sickos on my site for even thirty seconds, I may distract them enough that they'll forget what they were originally searching for.
I. Am. Naive.
80s Movie Night At The Cynical Dad Household
Bachelor Party
This weekend, I am a bachelor. Ella is taking the kids to see her folks. So what kind of debauchery do I have lined up? Strip clubs? Who am I kidding? Football and beer is about as crazy as I get these days. And unfortunately, I won't be partaking of any of that, either. I'll be handcuffed to my computer, writing code all weekend. Fun stuff!Porky's
Zoey has started to wear nightgowns occasionally. And while she looks adorable in them, I don't like them too much because they make her look older and I don't want her to grow up. Ever! Anyway, when she wears these nightgowns, she has a tendency to pull the collar down to her waist, baring her chest, as she wiggles her hips. I know she just does this because she knows it bugs me. Or perhaps she's merely practicing for her appearance on an upcoming edition of Girls Gone Wild. Kill me. Now.Heathers
Zoey went to her eighty-third Pump It Up party since mid-June on Tuesday evening. I kind of enjoy going to these things because that's where I find out what my daughter's been up to at school. Her teachers don't tell me anything. At the last party we attended, I found out she's in a gang. Well, at this party, I found out that their little gang is kind of like the trio in Heathers. They decide who gets to play with them outside. No one goes into their beloved sandbox without their approval. There are also girls in the class they like (or at least, can stomach) and those they don't like. How can you not like someone when you're three years old? What's wrong with her?My daughter's a Heather. My daughter's a bully. We need to put a stop to this behavior. Fast.
Family Business
So... what do you guys think of DadCentric so far? Just curious. Give me the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can leave a comment or email me. I'm really anxious to know what you guys think.GHS: 16 (10 for Zoey's upcoming appearance on Girls Gone Wild and 6 for Zoey's Heatherslike traits)
