You may have noticed things have been a bit slow around here lately. I need a kick in the ass, something to clear my mind.
And that's why I'm stealing this from TwoBusy. He's the guy who rose above the competition and won the Parent Bloggers NCAA Bracket Challenge. He has yet to receive his glorious prizes because I am an extremely slack individual. Next time, I'm going to add something in the fine print that says "Please allow six to eight weeks for delivery" or something like that.
Anyway, here's the deal: below are seven questions. Leave a comment, filling in the blanks to the questions and I'll answer them in a future post. Make 'em funny, serious, whatever. I'm game for pretty much anything right now.
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What's your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
Song of the day: If You All Get To Heaven by Terence Trent D'Arby
Chag Libs
Love Thyself
It's Valentine's Day. Flowers, candy, paper hearts, and all that crap. All hail Hallmark!
But it's also Self-Love Day!
No, not that kind of self love. Keep it in your pants and I will, too.
Anyway…
Hilly created Self-Love Day as a way for people to celebrate themselves. You're supposed to tell everyone something you love about yourself.
As someone who's much more comfortable with self loathing, this was kind of difficult for me. I love the fact that I have the greatest family in the world. I love my wife and kids. But I guess that doesn't count, right? It's got to be something I love about me.
Like a dog, I'm extremely loyal. If you're in my corner, I'll be your biggest fan and your greatest ally. I will stick up for you and stand by you and do everything in my power to help you. But screw me over once and you're dead to me. I can hold a grudge like a mutha.
I don't really think this is what Hilly was looking for.
And oh yeah -- one more thing. You (yes, you) are supposed to mention something in the comments you love about me. I know. I imagine it must be difficult pruning the list of things you love about me down to a manageable 300 words. But I have faith in you guys.
Tell me something you love about me.
Or this site.
Or just tell me to go screw myself.
Which will bring us back to the original definition of Self-Love Day.
And for those of you who just aren't feeling the love, feel free to check out my anti-love songs from last year.
Song of the day: Lollipop by Mika
My So-Called Rock Band
I got tagged by Motherbumper with a meme where I'm supposed to create a fake band.
I tried this once with Chag Holland & The Hollandaise. And it pissed off some people.
I already did this meme over in Hilly's comments. My band name was Tessarine and the album was called Don't Need Anything Else. Not very exciting.
So since Motherbumper tagged me, I feel I get to do the meme again. Here are the rules:
- The first title on this page is the name of your band.
- The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. Click the "New Random Quotations" button for more.
- The third picture on this page will be your album cover. You then take the photo and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your picture. Please don't forget to give credit.
Image taken from kelpie1's photos (lots of cool animal pics here!)
Rasptooth dogfish? That sounds like an all-star band fronted by Perry Farrell. Or Keanu Reeves' band.
I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you decide to play, leave me a note in the comments so I can check it out!
Song of the day: Don't Be Cruel by Bobby Brown
Soundtrack
It's been two months since I wrote about music. I was starting to get the shakes, so I decided to steal this meme Wendy from Things In Your Head posted the other week:
What’s your ringtone?
Ha! I'm a cheap bastard. Ringtones cost money. Therefore, I have no ringtones. I rock out on vibrate. Plus, I don't really have a theme song. But I need one! Anyone want to write one for me?
What’s the most incongruous song on your mp3 player?
Once again, I'm a cheap bastard, so I don't own an mp3 player. My musical tastes are all over the place, so the most incongruous song on my computer is probably Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. God, I love that song.
What is the one genre of music you cannot stand?
Gregorian chants? Don't know. I'm really open to all kinds of music.
What’s your desert island disc?
Appetite For Destruction. Or maybe The Wall. If I'm going to be isolated, I might as well bring along some music on the subject manner.
What’s your secret musical weakness?
Bluegrass! Just kidding.
It's hair bands, but if you're a regular reader of this site, it's not really a secret. I proudly wave my spandex and Aqua Net flag.
Do you play a musical instrument?
I played trombone in middle school and played keyboards and sang in bands in high school and college. I can also play a few songs on the harmonica.
Best makeout song ever
For some reason, the term "makeout song" makes me giggle like a middle school kid. Probably because the term makes me think of those middle school parties where the whole point was to makeout all night long.
I imagine Let's Get It On and Sexual Healing are too cliché, so I'm going to go with All I Want Is You by U2. Plus, it was the first dance song at our wedding.
Best driving song
Rockaway Beach by the Ramones.
One song that you think everyone should read the lyrics of
Brick by Ben Folds Five so people will know it's about an abortion. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak so people know it's not a love song.
Oh, that's not what they were going for? Ok, then let's go with What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.
Is downloading music for free a sin?
No. Only Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth are sins.
Do you karaoke?
Oh yeah! I met Ella in a karaoke bar. But I haven't done karaoke in a few years.
One musician you would happily whore yourself to
This is a tough question. I had my chance with Susana Hoffs. So I'll pick Liz Phair. But you'd probably get a totally different answer if you ask me again five minutes from now.
In fact, you might get a totally different answer for all of these questions if you ask me again five minutes from now.
First album you ever bought
Destroyer by Kiss.
Most recent album you bought
The last album I purchased was The Polyphonic Spree's The Fragile Army. The last song I purchased was Holy Shit by Centralia (damn you Showtime!!!).
Favorite Beatles song
If you count You Never Give Me Your Money / Sun King / Mean Mr. Mustard / Polythene Pam / She Came In Through The Bathroom Window / Golden Slumbers / Carry That Weight / The End / Her Majesty, the nine-song masterpiece from Abbey Road as one song, that's the one. If not, I'll go with While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
One song that represents your teenage years
Loser by Beck. Or Creep by Radiohead. You get the picture.
One song that represents your 20s
Army by Ben Folds Five. I've never thought about joining the Army, but the rest of that song is like a narrative for twenty-four months of that decade. Someday, I'll write more about that.
One song that represents where you are right now
Are we talking physically or mentally? What A Wonderful World is still going through my head. Only this time, it's the Joey Ramone version.
One song that represents your blog
This is an easy one! Jenny From The Block by J-Lo.
Song of the day: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
Because I Haven't Written About Music In Three Weeks!
Mamatulip tagged me with a music meme (note to anyone who cares about such things: if you ever want to get me to do a meme or talk your ear off, just mention music). I'm supposed to list seven songs I'm into Right Now This Very Minute. Since there have only been about six or seven albums released since 2002 (I stopped keeping up with the latest/hippest/coolest bands (or even top 40) around the time my daughter was born), I can't list seven songs I'm into Right Now that are actually popular Right Now.
But since I just made a mix CD on Friday morning for the drive to my weekend fishing/drinking/poker/basketball trip with the guys, I decided to list the first seven songs from that CD that I could find on YouTube so you can hear the songs. Cool?
Warning: This list, like my Top 100 Albums Of All Time, pretty much proves I have no taste. Actually, three of the following seven songs are by artists from my Top 100 list. I'm going to be one of those old men who, at age 70, listens to the same songs that were popular when he was 18. Which means I should probably just tear the knobs off my radio now. It's dead to me.
Kings of Leon Molly's Chambers
Yeah, this is the song from that Jetta commercial where the couple's funky dancing pisses off their neighbor. I've stopped listening to college radio and Top 40, but I haven't stopped watching television. That's where I go now to find music: television commercials. I suck.
Jellyfish Baby's Coming Back
Pure ear candy.
Junkyard Simple Man
I think I listened to this song for a good year until I realized it was "don't throw your pennies in the wishing well" and not "don't throw your panties in the wishing well." I'm a moron. But I still like my version better.
Atom & His Package Punk Rock Academy
This is a fan-made video made from anime clips. If you're not familiar with this song, please take a listen (it contains part of Eddie Money's Take Me Home Tonight (I'm not sure if this is a selling point or not)). This is one of my favorite artists of all time.
The Polyphonic Spree Lithium
Yup, it's a cover of the Nirvana song. Another fan-made video, this is not a complete copy of the song, but the video is so funny I just had to link to it. Watching this makes me really miss The Sifl & Olly Show.
The Bastard Fairies We're All Going To Hell
If you're very religious or have no sense of humor, do not listen to this song. If you end up liking this song, you can download their entire album for free here.
Kari Kimmel It's Not Just Make Believe
I like to put at least one song for Zoey on every mix I make. This is one of her favorite songs. It's pure teenybopper bubblegum music that namedrops the Disney Princesses. I don't like it. Not even one bit. Ok. Maybe I like it a little bit. Actually, I like it entirely too much.
I'm not going to tag anyone, but if this looks like fun and you decide to do it, let me know so I can check out your list.
When You Have Nothing To Write About, Turn To Memes
The kids haven't done anything funny or interesting lately. Truth be told, it's been too damn hot for any of us to do anything funny or interesting. I've been busy trying to grow gills so I can live underwater.
So I've decided to do the following meme, which Mary P. and KittenPie have also done (check out their lists as well). If you decide to do the meme, leave me a comment so I can check it out.
You're supposed to take the following 150-item list and bold the items you've accomplished. I've done 66 of the 150 things, which means I've had 44% of a life. Or I've lived 44% of my life. Or I have no life. Something like that.
LIFE EXPERIENCES MEME
Bold the ones you've done (my comments are in italics).01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink Way too cheap for that kind of nonsense.
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid Only if the Hard Rock Cafe in Myrtle Beach counts. That's a pretty great pyramid.
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it Daily.
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise I'm an insomniac. I've done this way too many times.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne I've gotten drunk off plenty of other things, but never champagne.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment At my wedding during picture time. One of my groomsmen made fun of another one of my groomsmen and none of us could keep a straight face after that.
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can Daily. I have kids, remember?
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse I think I did this in middle school or something. All I remember is all the teachers yelling, "DON'T LOOK AT THE SUN! DON'T LOOK AT THE SUN!"
34. Ridden a roller coaster Any chance I get.
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking Daily.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states Not even close.
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced And had the same done for me.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds Is there any other way?
57. Pretended to be a superhero I have kids. I get to pretend to be different things all the time. Today alone I was a kitten, a baby, a skunk, a monster, and a tree.
58. Sung karaoke Ella and I met at a karaoke barr I need to invent a better story to tell the kids once they start asking questions about that.
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie I ran sound for a little documentary, but that's as close as I've come. I've been in a commercial, though.
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced For some unknown reason, Ella hasn't left me yet.
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest Actually, it was a costume/karaoke contest. I dressed as a prostitute and sand Like A Virgin.
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo H-E-L-L N-O!!!
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert" Yeah, right.
83. Got flowers for no reason Need I remind you of my stance on flowers?
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently I have enough trouble with English.
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking Daily. I've even been photographed by strangers doing this.
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart Doubt it. They were probably glad to be rid of me.
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced Once again, H-E-L-L N-O!!!
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet I've had a monitor, but never a snake.
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about You think people listen to me?
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating Just fish.
137. Skipped all your school reunions I've skipped my five-and ten-year reunions so far. And I have no plans on going to my twentieth, either. Screw those bastards.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream Am I living my dream? No, because never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be a stay-at-home dad. Do I love what I do? You betcha.
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts I've put different parts in my PC, but never built one from scratch.
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair Every color of the rainbow.
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head Last August. Haven't cut it since.
149: Caused a car accident I had a "string of bad luck" where I totaled three cars in two weeks.
150: Saved someone's life
If anyone would like to see me expound on any of these items, shoot me an email and I'll try to answer them in a future entry.
Shitty Mix Tape Challenge
Paige has issued a challenge to all her readers: make the shittiest five-song mix tape ever. As I am no stranger to the fine art of mix tapes (mixtaping?), I had no choice but to play along.
Music is subjective. One person's favorite song ever is another person's dissonance. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or in this case, the ears.
If you're trying to make a shitty mix tape, it would be very easy to say, "Just take the first five songs from any album by 98 Degrees, Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, or any other crappy boyband from the late 90s." Or just write down the first five songs you hear on your McRadio station.
One could also make a strong case for the hard rock hairbands of the 80s as well. Not me. I loved hairbands. I was a teenager during The Golden Age Of Hair. What's better than trying to pick up girls, drinking, and partying? Trying to pick up girls, drinking, and partying while listening to songs about picking up girls, drinking, and partying. It was like having a soundtrack to my life. A soundtrack sung by guys prettier than the girls I was meeting.
Weddings are also great fodder for shitty songs. If you take the following four staples played at most weddings: The Chicken Dance, Electric Slide, The Hokey Pokey, and Macarena and add in the couple's "first dance" song, you'll probably end up with a pretty shitty mix tape (and in case you were wondering, none of these songs were played at our wedding (of course, the DJ segued from our "first dance" song to My Way by Sid Vicious, so that might tell you something right there)).
But in the end, I just decided to pick five songs that were very popular for reasons I cannot understand. So here's my entry in the Shitty Mix Tape Challenge:
The Beach Boys Kokomo
This song makes me want to spend a hot sunny day at the beach. And drown myself.
Bobby McFerrin Don't Worry Be Happy
Nothing about this song makes me happy. Here's a little song I wrote. You might want to sing it note for note. Um? I'll pass.
Billy Vera and The Beaters At This Moment
This song was everywhere in 1987. The world would have never been exposed to it had it not been for the television show Family Ties. The song languished in obscurity for five years until it the producers played it during several episodes of the 1987 season. Of all the social injustices brought upon us by Family Ties (such as Tina Yothers' acting career), this is by far the worst. Damn you, Alex P. Keaton!
Tracy Chapman Fast Car
There is no car fast enough to drive me away from this song.
Def Leppard Pour Some Sugar On Me
Let's take a look at the first four lines of the song:
Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
The hell? Do you realize it took five people to write these words? I think I could write a more coherent verse by blindly throwing one of those haiku magnet kits onto my refrigerator. I love my hairbands, but I hate this song.
ADDENDUM
I realize I have no chance of winning this contest. In my opinion, neither do any of the other entrants. Why? Because the shittiest mix tape was actually created in 1983. Just mull over these five songs for a second:The Association Along Comes Mary
Carpenters Close To You
Starland Vocal Band Afternoon Delight
Paul Anka (You're) Having My Baby
Captain & Tennille Love Will Keep Us Together
No really. Ponder the earth-shattering suckiness of those five songs a little bit longer.
Back? Good.
In 1983, hardcore/punk band Circle Jerks released Golden Shower Of Hits (Jerks On 45). It was a medley of all five songs, along with Tammy Wynette's cool country classic D-I-V-O-R-C-E. If you take each song separately, they are awful. AWFUL. But somehow, the Circle Jerks managed to weave them together into five minutes of pure punk bliss. It's amazing how they created such a thing of beauty from such abysmal pieces.
And the most impressive thing about the song is it actually tells a story:
- Boy Meets Girl (Along Comes Mary)
- They Fall In Love (Close To You)
- They Have Sex (Afternoon Delight)
- She Gets Pregnant ((You're) Having My Baby)
- The Couple Has Problems (Love Will Keep Us Together)
- The Couple Gets Divorced (D-I-V-O-R-C-E)
Related:
Masturbation Mix Tape
Mother's Day Mix Tape
Xmas Mix Tape
On An Island In The Sun
Ok. Mrs. Fortune tagged me with a meme she created. She gave birth just nineteen days ago and is already blogging, reading others' blogs (while rocking her kiddo), and making up her own memes. It sounds like she hit the ground running and hasn't stopped yet. Amazing.
Back to the meme. You're supposed to list which three books, three movies, three CDs, and three people you would want with you if you were stranded on a desert island. Below is my contribution.
BOOKS
I used to read. I used to do a lot of things. But I hate to admit that the only books I've read since the kids have come into my life are those damn What To Expect books. Sad. But here are the three I would have to have with me on that island:Catcher In The Rye
I know it's cliché. But I have reread this book so many times in my life it's almost scary. I'm not at the Chapman level, but I'm damned close.
Breakfast Of Champions
Catcher is my favorite book, but Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. is my favorite author.
How To Survive On A Desert Island With Just Three Books, Three Movies, Three CDs, And Three Other People
I was going to bring a big book of Sudoku puzzles or a Tom Robbins novel, but I figured this book would better serve my needs.
MOVIES
This is a tough one. I love movies. I tried several years ago to get a movie appreciation/discussion group going with some of my friends, but they're all savages.Rushmore
Best. Movie. Ever.
Quirky characters. Great dialogue. Awesome soundtrack. What more could you want?
"Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything. But they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it." Words we should all live by.
Rushmore is my Rushmore.
Goodfellas
I love gangster flicks and while there are so many great ones to chose from, Goodfellas is my favorite. "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." Actually, that's a lie. I always wanted to be a rockstar. But Henry Hill made the thug life look cool as hell.
Jaws
Yeah, I know when you're on a small island completely surrounded by water, the last thing you should be watching is a movie about a killer shark. But I can't help it. Jaws was my Star Wars. It was the flick that made me fall in love with movies. I would proudly wear my Jaws t-shirt everywhere I went when I was six years old. I have the pics to prove it.
MUSIC
Christ. This has to be the hardest question I've ever answered. I'm assuming I can't just take three CDs crammed with mp3s at a substandard 96kbps bitrate. Can I trade in one of my three books for another CD? How about one of my people? If not, I hope my three people can also bring along three CDs each so that Bloodletting (Concrete Blonde), Kerosene Hat (Cracker), Ben Folds Live (Ben Folds), The Downward Spiral (Nine Inch Nails), MTV Unplugged In New York (Nirvana), Wave Of Mutilation: The Best Of The Pixies (Pixies), It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back (Public Enemy), Never Mind The Bollocks Here's The Sex Pistols (Sex Pistols), and Cereal Killers (Too Much Joy) will also be present on the island.Destroyer (Kiss)
This album is nowhere near one of my favorites of all time. It's probably not even in my Top 100. But it takes me back to when life was simpler. And that's worth something, right?
This is the first album I ever bought. As a young lad, I was nursed on country music and AM radio. One day, I was at the local drug store and this album was calling to me from the racks. I didn't know who they were or what they sounded like. I only knew I had to have it. I begged my mother to buy it for me. She looked at the cover and was skeptical, but I was relentless so she finally caved.
I went home and put it on my record player. And my life was forever changed.
Appetite For Destruction (Guns N' Roses)
They released this album when I was 17. I remember being blown away the very first time I head it. Axl's voice, Slash's guitar, it was all so raw. It was an amazing record. It became the soundtrack to my senior year in high school.
Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology (Ramones)
Is there a better way to spend your days at the beach than listening to perfect two-minute pop songs? Nope.
PEOPLE
According to Mrs. Fortune's rules, you're not allowed to take your spouse/partner or your kids.Like I was gonna.
It would be easy to go the intellectual route and invite people like Jesus and Gandhi. But if I'm going to be stuck on an island, I want to have some fun! Everyone would bring celebrities, right? It's just not me, is it?
I thought about bringing John Lydon because he's very opinionated and outspoken. But after five minutes, he would probably call me an asshole and move to the other side of the island.
I thought about bring George W. Bush. But after five minutes, I would probably call him an asshole and move to the other side of the island.
I thought about bringing Crispin Glover. But after five minutes, he would probably become friends with a coconut and forget about me.
I thought about bringing Mike Tyson because I would never tire of hearing him mangle the English language in his high-pitched voice. But eventually he would come to the realization that I was laughing at him and would beat me until I was dead. And that doesn't sound like much fun.
Maybe having celebrities tag along isn't such a good idea. I would get very hungry on the island, so maybe I should bring along a few famous cooks. Maybe Emeril or Rachel Ray or some other people on those food channels that everyone's always talking about.
But that would eventually get pretty boring, hanging out with cooks all day long.
And besides, I think I'd be hungry for something else. So let's invite these three based solely on their sex appeal:
Eva Longoria
Keira Knightley
Jenny McCarthy (it's my meme, I can do what I want)
But even that could eventually get old. Eventually. Like in twenty years or so. So I decided to go with three famous women who are not only attractive but seem intelligent and funny as well:
Marisa Tomei
Sarah Silverman
Tina Fey
And maybe Eva Longoria can lead our rescue party? A guy can dream.
Ok. You can opt out if you like, but I'm tagging the following people: Mrs. Pygmalion (because she loooooves memes and probably wouldn't mind being on a desert island), Paige, Freezio, and both John & Kristen.
Cynical Dad 3.0 (A Love Letter To John & Kristen)
It's spring, so that must mean it's time for a site redesign.
See that groovy logo above? And the cool parking meter on the left? Those were designed by my two new best friends in the whole universe, John & Kristen from Fringelements (and also of Home On The Fringe). They offered to make me a new logo after I tweaked their template a bit so I decided, "Sure. Why not? After all, it's not like I have a real logo anyway. It's just a font."
So John asked me if I had any must-have thematic elements in mind. My lame response?
"I'd like it to be edgy, cool, and hip. But I have no idea what that means."
As you can see, they did!
They gave me several different logos to choose from. And they were all so amazing, I had trouble picking just one from the lot. So much trouble, in fact, that I couldn't let the parking meter from one of their logos go to waste, so I put it under the Background Info section and am planning on using it as a gravatar. Plus, I figure six months down the road when I'm a BlogRockStar, that meter would look cool as hell on a t-shirt.
I was kidding about that last part. But that parking meter would look very nice on a t-shirt, no?
Anyway, if you want to spruce up totally revamp your own site, you really should contact John & Kristen.
I now feel like I have a real site.
SORRY, IZZY
Izzy from IzzyMom tagged me with the 6 Weird Things About You meme. Since I did something like this back in February (only it was 10 weird things) and because I still haven't fully recovered from my vacation, I'm going to be lazy and simply reprint my answers from the first time:- I named my daughter after one of my favorite bands.
- When I was in my mid 20s, I had a fear of the police. This fear kept me from driving on interstates for two years.
- Since I mentioned this in an email to one of my WebFriends last night, I'll share it with all of you: I once received twenty-six death threats in the span of nineteen days. All were poems. Not fun, especially when you're paranoid to begin with.
- I get my hair cut twice a year. I'm currently overdue.
- I can touch my nose with my goatee.
- The fact that I know I can touch my nose with my goatee is probably weird in and of itself.
- I went through a five-year period where I would dress up as a dead celebrity for Halloween. One year, I went as Kurt Cobain. I had a ratty cardigan sweater, thermal t-shirt, and a blonde wig that Ella and I streaked with fake blood. We also created a huge shotgun wound for the side of my head. Incidentally, Ella was Betty Lou from Sesame Street that year. This was long before we had kids.
- I have been mentioned in a book on screenwriting and a book on cults. How's that for diversity?
- When I find a new song I really like, I have a tendency to play it OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER until I start singing it in my sleep or Ella threatens to slash my throat with the CD, whichever comes first.
- I have a B-I-G fear of birds and needles. If a bird ever flew at me with a needle in its beak, I would probably have a heart attack and die on the spot.
Miscellaneous Debris II
WHEN THE 80S ATTACKED
Kristen over at Motherhood Uncensored tagged me with the following meme. Basically, you're supposed to find a picture of your 80s alter ego. Here's mine:The Person I Like To Think I Am
Probably Closer To The Truth
This was actually a fun meme. I encourage everyone reading to do the same. If you do decide to participate, leave a comment so I can check out your alter ego.
SLAM THIS!
Today, Zoey came to me with one of her My Little Pony books."Daddy, read this and I'll dance."
"Um, ok?"
When I started reading, she began a clumsy, bizarre interpretive dance to the story. It truly was a sight to see.
We'll be working on the Dr. Seuss library in the weeks to come, hoping to take our production on the road as the opening act on the next Wiggles North American tour.
I NEED ANSWERS
Ok, folks. I'm going to make you work now. If you or anyone you know can answer either of the following questions (preferably the first one), please send me an email or leave a comment. Thanks in advance!- I've been doing sites using ASP/SQL for about five years now. I feel the time has come to move over to PHP/MySQL. Anyone have any experience with both? I was wondering what the learning curve is. Is it a jump from the kazoo to violin? Or more of a lateral jump?
- At what age did you first take your child to the movies? Zoey's 3 1/2 now and has been jonesing to see Curious George. I just don't know if she's ready yet. I don't know if her hyper ass can sit still for ninety minutes. Or is that what actually happens during kids' movies: lots of kids talking and jumping around? Please share.
Meme On
Okay, the weirdgirl tagged me with this meme thingie:
Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.
- Queen of Spain
- Becky
- childsplayx2
- the weirdgirl
- Cynical Dad (is this a pyramid scheme?)
Select five people to play (but only if they want to).
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ella and I were in year two of our seven-year courtship. We were living with another girl in a tiny rented house. I was publishing an online satirical magazine that no one read. By the end of the year, said magazine had me writing a spec screenplay for Sony and turning down offers to speak at colleges and high schools due to my severe stage fright. I had also returned to college, this time to get a computer science degree.
What were you doing one year ago?
Hyperventilating. We were one month away from Zed's birth and I was freaking out. "TWO kids? I can barely handle Zoey! I don't know how to take care of TWO kids!"
Still don't.
Five snacks you enjoy:
- Dark chocolate
- Little Debbie Nutty Bars
- Dill pickle potato chips
- Cheese (any kind will do)
- Beer (the cheaper, the better)
All. Of. Them. Seriously.
I've been a singer or played in bands since I was thirteen (which I realize goes against my stage fright, but here's the secret: I always looked down at the ground and paced while singing), been a college DJ, and have surrounded myself with music since I was three (seriously). So, to switch things up a bit, here are the five songs I used to perform most often at karaoke:
- My Way (the Sid Vicious version)
- One Way Or Another (Blondie)
- Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (The Clash)
- Ballroom Blitz (Sweet)
- A Murder Of One (Counting Crows)
- Let Ella quit her job as well.
- Buy lots of cool stuff for the kids.
- Squash my enemies.
- Buy a laptop.
- [insert something here that makes me look like a caring, conscientious individual]
- Not responding to emails.
- Not answering the phone.
- Spending too much time online at night.
- Sloppiness.
- Nervous shaking.
- ANYTHING with my family.
- Listening to music.
- Writing.
- Playing fantasy football.
- Anything but THIS MEME right now. It was so much fun in the beginning!
Ok. I'm taking this to mean five things I would never wear. Just FYI.
- A Red Sox cap.
- A jeans jacket.
- Cowboy boots.
- A suit (except for weddings and funerals).
- Golf/polo shirts.
- TiVo (but it's not really a toy; more like a life partner)
- Caller ID (See Bad Habit #2)
- Do sex toys count?
- How about the kids' toys?
- I'm spent.
