Zed and I were at Target today. I had just loaded our purchases (paper towels and a new toothbrush for Zoey if you're curious) into the car when I saw her.
I immediately shifted into warp drive. I quickly pushed the cart to the corral, carried Zed back to the car, and began buckling his car seat.
But it was too late. She was already standing beside my car. "I really like the color of your car," she said.
I sighed. I knew where this conversation was headed. When people approach me in parking lots, they want one of two things: my spare change or my soul. I could tell she wanted the latter.
"Thanks," I half-heartedly replied while preparing my plan of attack. "Can I ask you a question?" she asked.
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
But I said, "Yes." I'm an idiot.
"If you were to die today, would you go to heaven?" she asked like countless others before her.
"YES!" I yelled as I ran to the front of my car.
"Are you sure, sir?" she asked.
"YES!" I yelled as I slammed the door shut.
It's officially time to get my hair cut again. And if any of you know of any reputable tattoo removal services, please let me know so I can finally get rid of the HEATHEN tattoo on my forehead.
Song of the day: Story Of My Life by Social Distortion
Second Verse, Same As The First
