FRIDAY 2:05 AM
Zed awoke for his early morning snack. Yes, he still wakes in the middle of the night to feed. Don't. Judge. Us.But instead of eating, he decided to vomit instead.
And vomit.
And vomit.
And vomit. Four times in a half-hour period. Fun stuff!
Concerned, we called the twenty-four hour nurse line through our pediatrician's office. We knew he just had a stomach virus; we were just unsure if we should feed him or just give him water. The nurse went through the usual line of questioning and then asked Ella if Zed had fallen on his head recently. Um, yeah. About ten times a day or so. He sits on the floor, gets excited, and gravity takes over. His head's "like an orange on a toothpick," for God's sake. So when Ella answered truthfully, they became concerned that he had a concussion.
I knew he wasn't concussed; he was alert, playing, and "talking" to us. But that didn't seem to matter to the nurse. She told us the doctor at the hospital would call us shortly. Normally, it takes about ninety minutes to hear from a doctor.
Our family doctor called us ten minutes after we hung up with the nurse. He was concerned at first, but after I assured him he was very alert and was moving around fine, he diagnosed it as one of the many stomach bugs that were going around.
Besides, could you have seen us going to the emergency room with a baby with a possible concussion and a three-year-old with a black eye? Paging Social Services! Paging Social Services! Ella and I would've spent Christmas in jail.
FRIDAY 10:00 AM
Since Zed had not vomited in the past eight hours (it had now evolved (devolved?) into diarrhea), I left Ella and the kids at home and set out bravely to do our last minute shopping. I still had to buy presents for Ella, my uncle, and a few presents for Zed.Did I see you at Toys "'R" Us on Friday? No? That's hard to believe because I thought EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD WAS THERE. They had five Drop & Roar Dinosaurs left. Unfortunately, all five boxes looked like they had been thrown in the cage with that gorilla that used to test Samsonite luggage. I picked the least mangled box, a toy phone, and headed to the checkout area.
There was one big line of people with shopping carts on each side of the store. Each line then channeled into several register lines as they moved closer. However, people without carts were able to freely move into the inside lanes without having to wait with the cart people. This caused a lot of animosity from the cart people towards the cartless people. At one point, a cart lady who had finally had enough grabbed a gift card off the rack, and slashed the throat of a cartless gentlemen who had just jumped in front of twenty people.
Ok. That didn't really happen. But a guy can dream. But I did see a lady jump out of her car and start screaming at someone behind her as I was leaving the parking lot. Christmas spirit, indeed.
I then went to Target & Michael's to pick up some gift cards. And judging by the tumbleweeds blowing around inside Michael's, no one is getting crafty crap for Christmas.
Anyway...
I had two more missions left. I had to buy Ella something at the mall. I also had to buy my uncle some t-shirts with cartoon characters on them. My uncle is mentally handicapped, and every year he likes to receive t-shirts with various Looney Tunes characters on them. Well, I went to several stores and two different malls. Apparently, you can't buy a t-shirt that doesn't feature something regarding weed, alcohol, sex, or Napoleon Dynamite. It was a funny movie, but does anyone want to walk around in a t-shirt with his funny looking mug, emblazoned with the phrase "Flippin' Sweet?" Judging by the mounds of inventory that was still available, the answer is no.
I was able to find him a few t-shirts at the Disney Store. I returned home around 9:50 PM.
SATURDAY 5:30 AM
Zed awoke for his early morning feeding (again, don't judge!). I decided to celebrate the occasion by vomiting. I rested on the couch all day, moaning like a little baby (hey, I'm a guy!), between my frequent trips to the bathroom.SUNDAY 4:35 AM
Not to be outdone, Ella decided to vomit.SUNDAY 7:30 AM
Zoey woke the house up. IT'S CHRISTMAS! EVERYONE OUT OF BED!We dragged our sorry butts downstairs. Ella rested on the couch, trying to garner some Christmas enthusiasm for the kids. I handed Zoey the presents, one by one. She was the only healthy one, so she tore into them with enough vigor for all of us. She had gotten so much Disney Princess and Barbie stuff it looked like someone had puked cotton candy (I know, bad analogy) all over the floor. I (tried to) play all day with the kids while Ella rested. I was miserable, Ella was miserable, and Zed was miserable. But Zoey was having the time of her life!
THE SAPPY ADDENDUM
Despite Zed, Ella, and I being sick this Christmas, we really did have a great Christmas. Normally, we open gifts at our house Christmas morning. Then we drive thirty miles to my Mom's house at 11:00 AM to have lunch and open presents. Then we drive two hours to Ella's parents' house for dinner and more presents. This year we couldn't do all that hectic crazy stuff because we were sick. We all got to stay in one place and celebrate Christmas all day together. It was nice. Even if we all did have diarrhea.THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
On Christmas Eve, I received the best Christmas present ever. Ella was wrapping presents and I was sprawled out on the recliner, watching television. Zed was playing on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him crawl! "Ella!" I screamed, "Zed crawled!" We stared at him for a few more minutes. Finally, he got back down on all fours and crawled a few feet. Ella and I both started clapping and screaming for him.He just looked at us like we were crazy.
GHS: 0
