For the past few days, Zoey has forgotten to wipe herself about twenty-five percent of the time after she urinates. Since she refuses to flush the toilet, it's fairly easy to tell if she used toilet paper. Dear, you need to do a better job of hiding (or in this case, flushing) your evidence if you want to pull one over on me.
The first time it happened, it led to the following exchange:
Me: Zoey, why didn't you wipe yourself after you tinkled? Nothing makes me feel manlier than saying tinkle ten times a day.
Zoey: I did!
Me: No, you didn't! There's no toilet paper in the toilet.
Zoey: I forgot.
Me: You have to remember to wipe. Ok?
Zoey: It will dry.
The hell? She's planning on air-drying from now on? Hippie.
I figured someone had told her she didn't need to wipe herself after she urinates. I initially suspected a preschool chum, but school's been out for two weeks. Then I realized it must have been one of her grandmothers. In a rush to get out the door one day, one of them told her she didn't have to wipe. I was going to interrogate both of them, but I forgot.
This morning, she forgot again.
Me: Zoey! Why didn't you wipe after you tinkled?
Zoey: I forgot. I'm really getting tired of this excuse. She views it as her foolproof alibi for any situation.
Me: Zoey, you must wipe after you tinkle!
Zoey: But I won't have to wipe when I get bigger!
Me: What? What are you talking about? Who told you that? You still have to wipe yourself after you tinkle when you're bigger.
Zoey: You don't.
Oh hell.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to deprogram my child and teach her that men do not wipe after they urinate but women do. Wish me luck!
You know, maybe if I got a minute or two of privacy now and then, I wouldn't be having these conversations.
GHS: 2
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
