Zoey went to another birthday party this past weekend. Despite the fact that she only has a few neighborhood chums and eleven other students in her preschool class (two of which are twins), I believe this is the forty-second birthday party she's attended since the start of the year. Either some kids have been double dipping or she's on the Pump It Up Random Guest List Generator for birthday boys and girls that have no friends.
Zed and I went to Target to buy the birthday present. While I have plenty of experience with the desires of a three-year-old girl, I am not well versed in what tickles the fancy of a four-year-old boy. Luckily, a woman and her small son came strolling down our aisle.
Me: How old is your son?
Woman: Four.
Me: Perfect! Mind if I borrow him for a few moments?
Woman: What! What are you talking about?
I didn't understand why she was concerned. I had Zed with me! What did she think I was going to do?
That said, if the shoe was on the other foot, it would not have mattered if the person had enough kids to cast Eight Is Enough, Just The Ten Of Us, and The Brady Bunch. I would've probably run out of the store screaming.
I am a hypocrite.
Me: We're looking for a present for a four-year-old boy and I don't really know what they like.
Woman: Oh? Ok. Sure. Tell the man what you like, Sammy.
Sammy pointed to an Army tank. The parents probably have a problem with violent toys, I thought. Next!
Sammy pointed to a Spider-Man action figure. Too scary, I thought. Plus, it looked like Spidey's been taking 'roids. Next!
Sammy pointed to wrestling figures. This is the South, Sammy, but I doubt most kids your age are into wrestling. At least not yet, I thought.
I realized Sammy was pretty much useless, so I thanked him and his mother for their time and continued browsing alone. Then I saw this super-cool Hot Wheels eighteen-wheeler that could carry other cars. Sold! I put the truck in our shopping cart.
But then I thought, What if he doesn't have any cars? But then another voice said, What four-year-old boy doesn't have cars? And then a third voice said, Will the two of you please shut up?
After settling the argument inside my head, I found a gift pack of ten Hot Wheels cars. It wasn't priced, so I took it over to the scanner. $2.48! Score!
I put the car gift pack in my cart and went happily on my way. I then noticed Sammy and his mother.
I showed him the cars. "What do you think of these, Sammy?"
"Cool!" he said.
I showed him the truck. "What about this?"
He grabbed it out of my hands, studying it as his jaw dropped. "This is really cool!"
He handed me the truck and began screaming, "Mommy! I want one of those! I want one of those trucks!"
Oops.
I tried to deflect his mother's angry glares with an apology. As I was fleeing the toy section, I heard her say, "Maybe for your birthday, Sammy."
At least we'll know what to get Sammy when we receive the invitation to his birthday party.
One Of The Many Reasons Why Other Parents Probably Hate Me
