Note: I had intended to send this tip to Blogging Baby or Parent Hacks. But then I figured they'd just think I was insane. Which I am. So I decided to keep my insanity our little secret, ok?
I am deathly afraid of my children choking. I'm constantly scouring the floors looking for things that could make Zed choke. Zoey has an oral fixation and will absentmindedly chew on something while she's watching television, drawing, or looking at books, so I have to keep a watchful eye on her as well. I'm constantly watching her eat, making sure she's chewing her food properly and not taking big bites. This explains why the only hot dogs she gets are in milkshake form.
But my biggest fear? Balloons. Balloons cause more childhood deaths than any other toy. Even in our childbirth class, the dangers of balloons were addressed.
But what can you do? There is no escaping balloons. You can find them in kid-friendly restaurants, grocery stores, birthday parties; almost everywhere you go, some moron is trying to hand your child a balloon. Some child-hating moron, that is.
In our childbirth class, the instructor told us, "Just accept the balloon. It will keep the child busy while you eat or shop. Then when you go outside, tell the child, 'Let Mommy hold your balloon' while you put the child in the car. Then let the balloon go." This always bothered me. Your relationship with your child is built on trust. How is your child supposed to trust you when you keep setting all his balloons free?
So here's my trick. Like the instructor said, accept the balloon. Seriously. A balloon will keep your child occupied (at least for a few minutes) while you're getting groceries or trying to have a halfway decent meal with your mate. And inevitably, when it's time to return home, your child will want to take the balloon with him/her. In order to prevent a scene, you must leave the building with the balloon. There is no option here.
But once you get outside, instead of setting the balloon free, play a little game I call Balloon Wishes. See, I hand my daughter the balloon. She closes her eyes, makes a wish, and she sets the balloon free. And happily watches it float away!
Your child gets to play with a balloon and disposes of it him/herself. You're not the bad guy. Everybody wins!
Parenting Tips For The Overly Neurotic: Balloons
