Please note: The title does not refer to a machine gun or a penis. I don't have a machine gun. I do, however, have a penis but I would never refer to it as my little friend. Its name is Horatio von Pounder.
My summer of books is about to come to an end. While I will miss reading so many great books (and ESPECIALLY the free time I had to do so), there's one thing I will not miss: a certain librarian at my local branch.
Our relationship started out innocently enough. I was looking through the genre pamphlets near the counter. They had lists for Drama novels, Mystery novels, and everything under the sun. They even had a "If you liked Twilight, you'll like…" pamphlet.
Everything!
Except one for Humor.
So I asked the librarian. I told her a few authors I liked: Kurt Vonnegut, Christopher Moore, Tom Robbins, and David Sedaris. She told me she'd ask her supervisor.
A few seconds later, a man bounded from behind the stacks, eager to meet my request. Unfortunately, he only concentrated on the David Sedaris part of my list and thought I was interested in humorous autobiographies. So he led me to some book about a mistress of Winston Churchill or something like that.
I played along. I picked up the book, eyed it, and when he left, put it back on the shelf.
Five minutes later, he returned and tried to pawn another autobiography off on me. I did my feigned interest pantomime again. Before he left, I mentioned that they should publish a Humor pamphlet. He started rambling on about humor being subjective and how that Ray Romano fellow has a dirty mouth.
I left the library without a book.
The next week, Zoey and I were looking through the videos for something to watch that afternoon. He appeared out of nowhere, book in hand, and said, "Here's a perfect book for you."
I looked at it. I Still Have It… I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething by Rita Rudner.
He was right: humor is subjective because there's no way I'd put Rita Rudner and humor in the same sentence.
I now go to a different library.
Say Hello To My Little Friend. No, Really. Please Say Hello To Him And Maybe He'll Leave Me The Hell Alone.
