Twelve kids enter and only one kid leaves.
Actually, that's not entirely true. While there are twelve kids left in the Spelling Bee, the thing can actually end in a tie. That's what sucks about the Spelling Bee.
Motherbumper and I blogged the spelling bee live. Below is the transcript:
Motherbumper: Tom Bergeron?????
Cynical Dad: Oh God. Not this jerk.
Motherbumper: This is gonna be a loooooong night.
Cynical Dad: Yes.
Motherbumper: Now if it was Tom Berenger - now that would make for a kick ass night.
Motherbumper: Wow my feed is really choppy.
Cynical Dad: Ok. This is the most boring opening credits ever.
Cynical Dad: They need a cooler theme song.
Motherbumper: I feel like I'm about to be sold something - and it ain't education.
Motherbumper: is that kid asleep?
Motherbumper: Austin Pineda is asleep - I swear.
Cynical Dad: That's who I'm rooting for!
Motherbumper: He has the best haircut - that's for sure.
Motherbumper: Sidharth has a nice 'stache.
Cynical Dad: Be nice!
Motherbumper: bowdlerize: when one bogarts the bong.
Cynical Dad: You know, I wish they wouldn't show us the correct spelling so we could have a shot. Not that I have a chance.
Motherbumper: I'll be nice - I'm holding back I SWEARS.
Cynical Dad: Jeez. There's a word for that? Shamateurism? I thought that was called USC sports.
Motherbumper: HIGH FIVING DADS - whoot whoot.
Cynical Dad: Shawashingashanka? Is that who that guy just said was the favorite?
Cynical Dad: Tralatitous: in the beginning part of the definition, I thought we had another drug reference!
Motherbumper: Are these words in English - I'm screwed.
Cynical Dad: And Austin is our first casulty! Figures, I was rooting for him.
Motherbumper: Hair twirling has been proven scientifically to help brain power - except in Austin's case - it's failing him.
Cynical Dad: Hell, I can't even spell casualty correctly.
Motherbumper: oreallyinhim?
Cynical Dad: That Song kid is going to vomit.
Motherbumper: Yup - he's gonna hurl - though I'm digging his voice - he's a total California kid all the freakin' way.
Motherbumper: Go Justin!
Cynical Dad: Yeah. I was thinking he sounds like Spicoli.
Motherbumper: I wish I had brought my thesauras - I wish I could spell thesauras.
Cynical Dad: This Kyle kid is tiny.
Motherbumper: Are you scared kyle?
Motherbumper: Nope.
Cynical Dad: Be nice to Rose.
Cynical Dad: She's out of breath. Did they make her run a few laps around the stage first?
Motherbumper: She probably just had a smoke. I'm convinced these are all just midgets - not children.
Cynical Dad: Basenji! I saw that movie when I was a kid!
Motherbumper: Can you define Missouri please?
Cynical Dad: Kavya Shivashankar. Here's where I have to make the obligatory joke about the kid practicing for the bee by spelling her name.
Cynical Dad: Her father devised her strategy? She speaks lovingly of his strategy? I smell a STAGE DAD!
Motherbumper: Oh yeah, if she had gone out on that he would make her change her name to Jane. Which would bring the family shame, lots and lots of shame.
Cynical Dad: Are the rules from Spelling Bee: The Musical or something?
Motherbumper: I do believe they are trying to make this SHOW BUSINESS!
Cynical Dad: Catherine looks angry.
Motherbumper: Go Cat - who looks like she is thinking "this is it - I really need this."
Cynical Dad: I don't think she's pleased with Huguenot.
Motherbumper: I'm washed up if I don't get this.
Motherbumper: I thought they said it was a French prostitute.
Motherbumper: But no - it was province.
Cynical Dad: Remer!
Motherbumper: HIS NAME IS REMER?
Cynical Dad: Wow. Reading at 18 months?
Motherbumper: He likes the way the X and the E were juxtaposed together? Oh sweet juju - he has spent a lot of time inside of lockers, hasn't he?
Cynical Dad: Digerati! No fair! Even I know that word!
Motherbumper: I was just not thinking the same thing.
Motherbumper: Oh now here is an angry one woman.
Cynical Dad: That's because he got digerati and she got caduceus.
Motherbumper: She is the cougar of the spelling bee.
Cynical Dad: I think everyone else is at Sex And The City.
Motherbumper: I'm going to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Meth after this.
Cynical Dad: Will Ferrell will show up for anything.
Motherbumper: He came for the opening of my mail this morning - for realz.
Motherbumper: Mono Goneutic - she was in my grade 8 class.
Cynical Dad: That's what kept me out of school for a month in the 8th grade.
Motherbumper: Ohhhhhh you got the goneutic disease?
Cynical Dad: But don't tell anyone!
Cynical Dad: Going through the dictionary seven times was FUN? Someone needs a bicycle.
Motherbumper: Someone needs a life - then a bike.
Cynical Dad: Cool Darth Vader mask! Sound effects!
Motherbumper: Her goal is to win this year? Wow, how unique.
Motherbumper: SPICOLLI IS BACK
Cynical Dad: Spicoli!
Motherbumper: Now this I can spell - I've seen enough of them.
Cynical Dad: Yeah, Rorschach isn't fair either.
Motherbumper: She is too freakin' happy that she knows that word. She is totally going to have her first public orgasm.
Cynical Dad: Rose is gonna win this thing.
Motherbumper: And there it is: Rose has become a woman
Motherbumper: NUMBNUTS?
Cynical Dad: Numnutz?
Motherbumper: OHHHHHHHH NUMNAH
Cynical Dad: This kid has a future in tv.
Motherbumper: That is a relief - well said Sameer - he's now my fav by far.
Cynical Dad: Numbnut? Oh Numnah! Will be on Sportscenter tonight.
Motherbumper: I can't believe they are recapping this Numb Nuts business. This is probably the most exciting thing that has happened in the Bee EV-ER!
Cynical Dad: Other than that one kid fainting, you're probably right.
Cynical Dad: What do you think Mr. Word Caller does the rest of the year?
Motherbumper: Bingo at the Legion.
Motherbumper: Ommateal - not just for breakfast anymore.
Motherbumper: THERE IS OVERTIME IN SPELLING BEES????
Cynical Dad: No.
Cynical Dad: I thought it could end in a tie. They go through x number of rounds.
Motherbumper: Phew
Cynical Dad: Remer!
Motherbumper: Ranunculacious - is there a shorter definition please?
Motherbumper: Sweet juju- the word is up on the screen and I still spell it wrong.
Cynical Dad: I thought he was going to bite it when he kept pausing.
Motherbumper: Yes that was a close one
Cynical Dad: Ok. I know Nietzschean too.
Motherbumper: Jahnavi - angry woman is back - and she gets Nietzchean.
Motherbumper: I think someone wants Jahnavi to win - she has gotten all the easy words.
Motherbumper: OHHHHHH WAIT NOOOOOOOOOOO Jahnavi is choking.
Cynical Dad: Ooh! They've been waiting all night to show the clock!
Motherbumper: Phewwwwwwwwww she made it.
Motherbumper: High fives all around.
Cynical Dad: An hour of this and they've only eliminated one kid. Time for the TOUGH words!
Cynical Dad: Damn! Do you see how big Samia's dictionary is (that's what she said)?
Cynical Dad: Favorite Movie: The Devil Wears Prada?
Motherbumper: Better than the Bee Movie (boooo hiss worst joke tonight Motherbumper).
Cynical Dad: Spicoli!
Motherbumper: Satyagraha? Wha?
Cynical Dad: Sorry. I fell asleep when they read the definition for that word.
Motherbumper: how many times can they volley this pronunciation back and forth?
Motherbumper: Ohhhhhhhh dude.
Cynical Dad: Dude!
Motherbumper: Noooooo Spicolli is out.
Cynical Dad: Now I can't make a Mr. Hand joke.
Motherbumper: We are going to have to pick on the girls.
Motherbumper: It's six girls to four boys now.
Cynical Dad: Make that three.
Motherbumper: Nooooooooo shorty is out!
Cynical Dad: My money's still on Rose.
Motherbumper: Oh here is breathy Rose
Motherbumper: fumagillin - amoebas can cause infections?
Cynical Dad: Ooh. I don't think Rose knows that one.
Cynical Dad: Douse her with water? Those Iyers know how to party.
Motherbumper: Now they are using a Peter Gabriel remix?
Motherbumper: Sweet. Numb Nutz is back!
Cynical Dad: He's just asking questions just to ask questions. You can tell he's got no idea how to spell it.
Cynical Dad: Or maybe I'm wrong.
Motherbumper: He was toying with us (they probably told him that this show needs drama).
Motherbumper: I love how some of these kids use imaginary writing pads to do their magic.
Motherbumper: They look crazy.
Motherbumper: Crazy smart like a fox!
Cynical Dad: Sidharth likes Bob Marley!
Cynical Dad: Ziarat? I think they're making that word up.
Cynical Dad: Have to remember that one for Scrabble.
Motherbumper: That is a triple word score if I ever saw one (I don't play scrabble). But if you had to spell in Candyland, I'd use that one for sure!
Cynical Dad: Catherine wants to be a film producer?
Motherbumper: Bogatyr - what I called my college roomate who never passed the joint.
Cynical Dad: I think they're making all the drug references to keep us interested.
Motherbumper: Catherine is perfecting that school marm look.
Motherbumper: TIMER IS UP!
Motherbumper: ohhhhhh will she make it in time?
Motherbumper: nooooooooooo and a girl is out.
Motherbumper: REEMER!
Cynical Dad: Lemel? Did he sing The Neverending Story?
Motherbumper: I had that 45 and the flip side had Lemel singing it in french - the neverending storeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
Cynical Dad: She's stalling.
Motherbumper: And the timer is back up - will she do it in time?
Motherbumper: Oh oh oh the clock.
Cynical Dad: She's sarcastic! My new favorite!
Motherbumper: And she's out.
Cynical Dad: And of course, she's gone.
Cynical Dad: I'm the kiss of death tonight.
Motherbumper: Every single one that you like gets booted.
Motherbumper: They are milking this numb nut thing for everything it's worth.
Cynical Dad: AND SO WILL WE!
Motherbumper: You bet we will numb nuts.
Cynical Dad: Ooh, numnah!
Cynical Dad: She's going to miss huapango.
Motherbumper: Huapango - what my college boyfriend yelled everytime he round home!
Motherbumper: NOOOOOOOOO she missed - now they are dropping like flies!
Cynical Dad: Rose is going to pass out this time. For sure!
Motherbumper: Rose's mom is going to flip if she misses this.
Cynical Dad: No more Rose!
Motherbumper: Ohhhhhh noooooooo Rose is out.
Cynical Dad: Who do we have left to root for? REMER!
Motherbumper: And that was the great equalizer - two boys, two girls.
Cynical Dad: Nacarat: also called spark. Bet he wishes he could just spell spark.
Motherbumper: Nacarat - the yummiest crayola crayon of them all - mmmmmmm nacarat.
Motherbumper: Stalling for time much?
Cynical Dad: Cool! Calling out Mr. Word Man!
Motherbumper: You just cursed the kid Chag.
Cynical Dad: Not this time!
Motherbumper: He was lucky that the kiss of chag didn't make him bleed a pool of nacarat blood.
Cynical Dad: You're going to say that word 37 times next week, aren't you?
Motherbumper: 38 actually.
Cynical Dad: Ecrase? Can she just say "e" for those e's with the accents over them?
Motherbumper: She should be made to do a little loop de loop with her finger to represent the accents.
Motherbumper: Oh no the dreaded clock is ticking.
Motherbumper: Noooooooooooooo she is out.
Motherbumper: And her name is now Jane Smith.
Cynical Dad: Hear that? She's the favorite for next year's bee.
Motherbumper: I'm writing it in my 2009 diary.
Cynical Dad: Sidharth seems to be freaking out over posaune.
Cynical Dad: Or not.
Motherbumper: I'm sorry - I just broke my imaginary pencil - can I have a new one please?
Motherbumper: That Sidharth kid is TENSE.
Cynical Dad: Emily?
Motherbumper: REEEEEMER!
Cynical Dad: Ooh, thymele.
Motherbumper: Yeah right - thymele - what is in the middle of my living room right next to my shrine to METALLICA.
Cynical Dad: Don't let us down, Remer!
Cynical Dad: Damn it!
Motherbumper: Noooooooooo he got it wrong!
Motherbumper: Numb Nuts is gonna take it - I can feel it in my non-existent nuts.
Cynical Dad: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot about Numb Nuts.
Motherbumper: How can you forget about the numb nuts darling of the show?
Motherbumper: For shame chag - your face should be a deep shade of nacarat right now.
Cynical Dad: Only 37 more to go!
Motherbumper: That was a freebie - I'll still work the word into every post I do for days to come.
Cynical Dad: Tomorrow, there will be 100 garage bands named Numnah or Numb Nuts. Or Ooh Numnah.
Cynical Dad: The Super List.
Motherbumper: I just got a chill - the super list.
Cynical Dad: See! Told you it could be a tie. That's bullshit!
Motherbumper: Come on Tia - you are representin' the girlhood.
Cynical Dad: She'll get it. Isn't she the one who read the dictionary 7 times?
Motherbumper: You bet your oxypholitic ass.
Cynical Dad: Sinicize. I like the sound of that word. Come on, Numb Nuts!
Motherbumper: Sinicise - i used to date only drummers but once I dated a sinicise player on a dare.
Cynical Dad: You know this poor kid is going to be called "Numb Nuts" for the rest of the school year, win or lose, right?
Motherbumper: Oh yes, he will forever be know as the boy who spelled Numb Nuts.
Motherbumper: Aptyalism - aka A HANGOVER.
Cynical Dad: Aptyalism! Silent p! Sidharth's screwed.
Motherbumper: Dang - he got the silent P - that kid is gooooooood.
Motherbumper: We are entering lucky round 13 - is this where they bring in the death cage match with rabid squirrels to you know, make the kids sweat?
Cynical Dad: They need to do something or they'll run really late. Then they won't be able to pimp Sex And The City on 20/20.
Motherbumper: And I'll miss the temple of crystal meth!
Motherbumper: 30,000 dollars to the winner! Holy frack.
Cynical Dad: I think it's cute that they still give encyclopedias to the winner. Why don't they just give them an 8-track, too.
Cynical Dad: Tia is starting to hyperventilate.
Cynical Dad: Ding!
Motherbumper: Oh nooooooze - but she's not necessarily out.
Cynical Dad: Sidharth vs. Numb Nuts.
Motherbumper: Bollywood is already all over this one.
Cynical Dad: Dude? Bollywood? Remember the target audience! I don't think half of my readers know what that is.
Motherbumper: Too highbrow?
Cynical Dad: Kulturkampf.
Cynical Dad: Bless you.
Motherbumper: Damn - you beat me to it.
Cynical Dad: I'm my own straight man.
Cynical Dad: DAMN!!!! SIDHARTH!!!!
Motherbumper: Oh my god these boys are IN THE ZONE!
Cynical Dad: Numb Nuts is nervous.
Motherbumper: NUMB NUTS IS IN THE HOUSE
Cynical Dad: Ooh. Sidharth breaking out the accent on introuvable.
Motherbumper: Oh yes, he's turned into Pepe,
Cynical Dad: Uh-oh. Numb nuts got rattled coming to the stage!
Motherbumper: But he recovered - he is totally mocking Sidharth and the pronunciation thing. I like this kid.
Cynical Dad: This is ending in a tie, isn't it?
Motherbumper: Yes it is.
Motherbumper: Or maybe not.
Motherbumper: Prosopopoeia - that's not a real word.
Cynical Dad: No. Even the definition sounded fishy as hell.
Motherbumper: DING!
Cynical Dad: Go Numb Nuts!
Motherbumper: Sidharth is confused.
Cynical Dad: He knows this word.
Motherbumper: He does - he is just toying with us.
Motherbumper: NUMB NUTS RULES THE SPELLING BEE!
Cynical Dad: CONGRATULATIONS NUMB NUTS!
Motherbumper: Go numb nuts - go have a drink on me.
I'd like to thank Motherbumper for joining me for the spelling bee (and for making that kick-ass graphic). I'd also like to thank everyone who dropped by, left a comment, and emailed. This was fun.
Song of the day: ABC by Jackson 5
