Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Chicky, and Mrs. Chicken will each be welcoming their second child into the world soon and the folks over at Better Than A Playdate are throwing them a virtual baby shower. I really have no idea why people ask me to participate in such events; one time I told some expectant mothers to name their children after dogs and another time I made a mix CD that contained a lot of inappropriate songs.
Maybe they just invite me to these things so they can make fun of me behind my back?
Anyway, I've been asked to pass on some advice to these fine ladies. But getting parenting advice from me is like getting fashion tips from Amy Winehouse (or me), so I'm going to give them something the others didn't:
A warning.
You know all that free time you have right now with just one child?
No?
That's because you don't realize it yet.
One might think that adding a second child to the mix might double the time it takes to do anything. That's a common misconception. Adding a second child actually squares the amount of time it takes to complete a task. What might've taken ten minutes with one child will take one hundred minutes with two.
Scenario: you're trying to get the kids ready for a trip to the grocery store. The oldest child needs to go to the bathroom. When that child is finally finished, you notice the baby's diaper needs changing. Right when you're tossing the diaper in the bin, the oldest has spilled her drink all over the kitchen floor. Next thing you know, it's two o'clock and you're still in your pajamas.
So enjoy your free time while you still have it, ladies!
All kidding aside, I wish you all the best. May you all have beautiful and healthy children.
P.S. I've heard you should never have a third child. Once they outnumber you, you're basically screwed.
Song of the day: Little Black Backpack by Stroke 9
Advice From An Idiot
