'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our castle
The whole Christmas season had become quite a hassle.
The kids put out cookies and milk by the tree
In hopes that Santa would cave to bribery.
The children were sleeping soundly in their beds
After too much sugar had them crazed in the head.
But Ella and I were both manic and stressed.
It was then ten o'clock; we were both fully dressed.
There were presents to wrap and more things to be done.
The hour was nigh; we were under the gun.
The week before Christmas was busy and hopping
With parties and baking and holiday shopping.
At Target! At Penney's! At Best Buy and Wal-Mart!
At Costco! At Big Lots! At Toys "R" Us, Kmart!
And the vilest of places, the worst one of all,
The Mecca for consumers: the three-storied mall.
Ella was the wrapper and I was the dj.
(I assembled the toys so our children could play)
So we manned our stations in front of the TV
Watching our favorite holiday movie.
(It's not A Christmas Story or It's A Wonderful Life.
Not Bad Santa, Elf, Or Silent Night, Deadly Night.
When I tell you the truth, you'll think much less of me:
The best Christmas flick is Love Actually.)
The going was tough and nothing came easy.
How the hell does one wrap a child's ukulele?
When the clock struck eleven, there was one thing I knew:
That night, the new toys were the only things getting screwed.
But onward we marched through the mountain of presents.
We'd have started this sooner if we'd have had any sense.
Then finally at midnight, I let out a cheer,
"The presents are ready! Let's both grab a beer!"
The whole Christmas season had become quite a hassle.
The kids put out cookies and milk by the tree
In hopes that Santa would cave to bribery.
The children were sleeping soundly in their beds
After too much sugar had them crazed in the head.
But Ella and I were both manic and stressed.
It was then ten o'clock; we were both fully dressed.
There were presents to wrap and more things to be done.
The hour was nigh; we were under the gun.
The week before Christmas was busy and hopping
With parties and baking and holiday shopping.
At Target! At Penney's! At Best Buy and Wal-Mart!
At Costco! At Big Lots! At Toys "R" Us, Kmart!
And the vilest of places, the worst one of all,
The Mecca for consumers: the three-storied mall.
Ella was the wrapper and I was the dj.
(I assembled the toys so our children could play)
So we manned our stations in front of the TV
Watching our favorite holiday movie.
(It's not A Christmas Story or It's A Wonderful Life.
Not Bad Santa, Elf, Or Silent Night, Deadly Night.
When I tell you the truth, you'll think much less of me:
The best Christmas flick is Love Actually.)
The going was tough and nothing came easy.
How the hell does one wrap a child's ukulele?
When the clock struck eleven, there was one thing I knew:
That night, the new toys were the only things getting screwed.
But onward we marched through the mountain of presents.
We'd have started this sooner if we'd have had any sense.
Then finally at midnight, I let out a cheer,
"The presents are ready! Let's both grab a beer!"
I'd like to wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, a Happy Kwanza, a Merry Chrismukkah, Happy Holidays, and a Joyous Chumbawamba. And anything else I may have missed at this late hour.
Hope you all have a happy, safe, and peaceful holiday. See you in a few days.
Song of the day: Fairytale Of New York by The Pogues Featuring Kristy MacColl
P.S. If you'd like to hear a much cuter version of this song, click here.
