Today I didn't even have to use my AK.
Plus!
Today was Zed's third day of preschool. It was also the first day that he didn't cry when I dropped him off.
Preschool has been tearing me apart. I wonder if he knows what's going on when I drop him off. I feel guilty for leaving him with strangers. Even though they say kids learn a lot from other kids, I still beat myself up and question if this is truly what's best for him. On his first day of preschool, after his teacher kicked me out of the room as she picked him and tried to comfort him, I sat in the car for about fifteen minutes, wishing someone would pick me up and comfort me. Wanting to go back in and take him home with me.
But I didn't. I composed myself, drove home, and paced all morning. When I picked him up that day, he was crying. Not still crying; he was upset because they had just come in from playing outside and apparently he wasn't down with that plan. But seeing him crying once again killed me. I thought about taking him out of preschool.
But we pressed on.
When we went inside today, the kids were playing with blocks at a table. I took him over to the table, sat him in a chair, kissed him, and walked away. He watched me as I unpacked his backpack. Then he turned back to the table and started building a tower.
I was the one who almost started crying.
I snuck out of the room and watched him through the window for a few seconds. He looks happy, I told myself. So I left. I still went home and paced, but with a little less guilt than usual.
When I went to pick him up today, he was playing near another boy. They weren't playing with each other, but they were sitting on the floor right next to each other, playing with dinosaurs. When I picked him up to leave, he started crying. He didn't want to leave. Which made me feel much better about preschool, but it also made me feel like crap at the same time.
I know preschool will be good for him. He's sitting during circle time. He's participating in art projects. Last week, his teacher told me he told another kid, "Give that back" when the kid took a ball from Zed. We've never heard him string three words together. So something's rubbing off on him there. Plus, he's learning to stick up for himself. But it still bothers me. I just can't stop wondering if he truly understands what's going on.
I know preschool will be good for him. Eventually, it will be good for me, too.
Song Of The Day
Ok. Enough with my dramatics. Motherbumper is back with another musical selection, kids. While she's not stripping for you today, she is hanging out with rockstars.So continuing with the quasi-theme of songs of Motherbumper's youth, I decided to cash one out from the happy memory bank. In the early 90s I attended a super fantastic week-long music fest that featured some kick ass bands: Sloan, Red Kross, and Doughboys were by far my favs. As luck would have it, and probably due to my new blond locks and single status, I sweet-talked my way into the after party at the end of the week-long celebration. I woke up 1200 kilometers away full of stories that are not fit to print since my Dad might read this. Even though I'm close to being forty, I'm still scared of getting grounded (or losing my inheritance).
Song of the day: Fix Me by The Doughboys
