LAS VEGAS -- In a Saturday evening ceremony held at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino, Chag and Ella Holland were named "The World's Worst Parents" by Parenting Resources Magazine. "While it's a disgrace to be thought of as the world's worst at anything, let alone parenting, at least we got a free trip to Vegas out of it," Ella told reporters. Added Chag, "this trip is free, right?"
"The Hollands had been on Parenting Resources Magazine's radar for most of the year for past parenting indiscretions, but they really outdid themselves this week," Parenting Resources Magazine spokesperson Amber Wright stated.
"Yeah, we screwed up, but it wasn't totally our fault," Chag explained. "Every day, Zoey brings home mountains of papers from kindergarten. Newsletters, lunch menus, bus route information, fundraiser information, PTA letters, school rules, all kinds of crap. Did they really expect us to read every single piece of paper? I don't have a Personal Assistant."
Amidst the abundance of papers was a newsletter which outlined their daughter's homework assignments for the week. "The sad thing is Zoey tried to let us know about it. On Tuesday, she told us she had to tell three things about her family at school the next day. On Wednesday, she told us she needed to know her Student ID Number," Ella said. "It wasn't until later that night that I found the newsletter. The next morning, we were cramming at breakfast, hammering her Student ID Number into her head."
"She's in kindergarten! They're not supposed to have homework," Chag added.
The Hollands have since learned their lesson. They have vowed to read every scrap of paper they find in their daughter's backpack.
Song Of The Day
Motherbumper was kind enough to take over the turntables for me this week. She'll be picking the songs of the day this week and writing a little bit about each one (if anyone else would like to DJ for a week sometime down the road, drop me a line). Without further ado…This opportunity to play DJ gave me the chance to dig around the archives for some of my favorite blasts from the past. The hardest thing to do was narrowing down the list but I managed (barely). I decided to go for a quasi-theme of songs of motherbumper's youth - something I have fought hard not to give up. But as the responsibilities of parenting become unavoidable, I must admit it is Bumper's turn to be the youngin' and I must be the fist shakin' ol' fogey. So here is my first trip down memory lane (omg even saying that makes me feel damn old).
As a young, irresponsible lass I lived in what we called the House of Skate. We had no cable on our TV, no VCR for entertainment, but be damned we had a mega-speakered sound system that made us just that much more endearing to our neighbors (well that and our penchant for setting off firecrackers at odd hours). Oh yes, we were the neighbors from hell. Firecrackers aside, this song featured in what was probably our most annoying habit that for some strange reason, the neighbors tolerated. On Saturday mornings, everyone that lived in the house had to be work at the ungodly hour of 9 AM so one of the more organized roommates always cranked this song to wake us out of our drunken stupors. Ditch Digger was an anthem of sorts, our marching song that led us off to our horrible stinkin' "working for the man" McJobs.
These days, I would kill to be able to sleep that late in the morning. Growing up and being all responsible-like really sucks.
Song of the day: Ditch Digger by Rocket From The Crypt
