"So what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a sign."
"A sign? Like an omen or something?"
"Actually, I'm more of a signpost. I hold up a sign all day long, advertising for a company that's going out of business."
I've always wondered what a person with this occupation listed as his job title. Mobile marketer?
On Saturday, I became a signpost. I went to help my mother out with her yard sale and found that she had put two small yellow signs at the end of her driveway as the sole means of advertising the event. Since she lives on a busy highway (which is not the ideal place to have a yard sale in the first place), has a very steep driveway (another minus), and has lots of trees that obscure most of her driveway (strike three!), I realized those two puny signs weren't going to do much good. So I decided to help her out a bit.
I made a large sign that read "YARD SALE." I also made a bigger sign that listed some of the things we were selling. But this was not enough for me.
Like those poor bastards who have to dress up like the Statue of Liberty or a slice of pizza, I decided I needed a gimmick. Unfortunately, my mother's garage was short on gimmicks. In the end, I opted for a witch's hat.
So I donned the witch's hat, tied the list sign around my neck, held the YARD SALE sign in my hand, and stood by the side of the road. I figured I would use my other hand to wave at passersby and to flip off anyone who made fun of me.
Because anytime you create a plan of action, always have a method in place to deal with your detractors.
But I didn't really have many critics. There were a few who laughed or yelled things at me, but most people smiled and returned my wave. I even had a passing eighteen-wheeler blow its horn at me (and don't think my inner eight-year old didn't love that!).
I like to believe that I was responsible for a good portion of my mother's yard sale success ("Hey, Leigh-Anne. Look at that freak! I bet they got some good shit up there in that yard sale!"). But I won't lie to you: I'm sure if I were some hot little twenty-one-year-old hardbody in a skimpy bikini, I would've gotten much more traffic. And more honks, too.
Mental note: next time, ditch the witch's hat in favor of a bikini.
Blocking Out The Scenery, Breaking My Mind
