We had a yard sale on Saturday. I tried to teach Zoey about giving by making encouraging her to have a bake sale and donating the funds to a local charity. She brought in $26 and beamed every time someone mentioned how proud they were of her.
Around 5 PM, I walked out front to get the mail when I noticed an early '80s conversion van creeping down the street. It came to a stop in front of my house.
"Are you the guy having the yard sale?"
"I was. You missed it by about six hours."
"That's ok. I want to have a yard sale and was wondering if I could hire you to run it for me."
I knew this was code for I'm planning on hitting you over the head, drugging you, putting you in a nice little gimp suit, and storing you in my basement until it's time to share you with my buddies from the Elks Lodge. It didn't help that this dude looked exactly like Larry Flynt. So I stammered something like, "Um… what? I'm pretty busy. Sorry. See you later" before running for the house.
But after my heart stopped pounding and my butt cheeks unclenched, I started to wonder if Larry was serious and maybe I should have at least listened to his offer. The way our economy is headed, experienced Yard Sale Coordinators may soon be in great demand.
Of course, the way our economy is headed, experienced Elks Lodge Entertainers may soon be in great demand.
Song of the day: Virginia Moon by Foo Fighters and Norah Jones
How Larry Flynt Tried To Make Me His Sex Slave
