Dear Chag of 1992--
I really have no idea if we will ever develop the technology needed to send messages back in time. I haven't received letters from future versions of us, so I'm kind of doubting it. But maybe the reason I haven't received any notes from the future is because we die tonight. If that's the case, what I'm about to warn you about won't really matter.
Regardless, I'm writing you this letter.
I don't want to give you too many details about your current life. Yes, you got married (hard to believe, but it really happened). And you stayed married (even harder to believe). You have two beautiful children.
But enough small talk. Here is why I'm writing you this letter: when you see the calendar nearing January 2, 2008, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO KEEP YOUR WIFE HEALTHY. I cannot begin to stress this point enough.
For on this morning, your wife will wake with a sore throat. By lunchtime it will be accompanied by a high fever. By late afternoon, she will be diagnosed with strep.
And by 6:30 PM, you will be the Den Mother or Scout Leader (or whatever the hell they call it) of your daughter's Girl Scout troop.
You won't have much time to prepare. You'll have your wife's general lesson plan for the evening's activities, but you won't know when, where, or how to segue from one activity to another.
Your wife will call the other Den Mother and beg her to stay with you through the meeting. But her main duty will be to calm the fears of the moms dropping off their kids. As these women file into the elementary school to drop off their daughters, they'll see you standing there. A man! At the Girl Scout Meeting! The Other Den Mother will introduce you and flash a reassuring smile that says, "Don’t worry. I'll make sure Lester Molester doesn't get too close to your kid." But after that, dude, you'll be on your own.
And it won't be pretty.
It will be your duty to teach the Girl Scouts about diversity. You'll explain that while everyone's different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside.
And then you'll start rambling.
You'll explain that everyone looks different. You'll tell them that people are from different places, like different things, and are different races. You'll tell them that just because someone doesn't look them, it doesn't make them bad. You'll tell them people have different hair colors. You'll tell them that some people dress funny. You'll tell them that some people wear bellybutton rings.
Yes, you will.
Public speaking is still not your forte.
I'm sure you now understand why I'm sending you this letter. So if you can't do anything to keep your wife healthy, at least you'll have more time to plan your lesson on diversity.
Maybe you should start now.
Hugs & Kisses,
Chag of 2008
Song Of The Day
Continuing with the guilty pleasure theme…This is the admission that will cause you to stop reading this site.
I don't know what it is about this song. Maybe I have a soft spot for torch songs. Or maybe it's because I played this damned tune in every wedding I ever performed. Or maybe it's because as a newly minted Den Mother, I'll be listening to the Easy Listening Station from here on out.
I really shouldn't be admitting this, but I like this song way too much.
Song of the day: The Rose by Bette Midler
