We got a little taste of it in preschool, but I still wasn't prepared for this. At least once every month, Zoey brings something home that she is expected to sell in order to raise money for the school. And when I say she is expected to sell, I really mean we are expected to sell because there's no way in hell I'm sending my five-year-old daughter out to beat down the neighbors' doors.
It's not the fundraising that gets to me. I realize that schools need all the money they can get their hands on. I have no problem buying a few overpriced rolls of wrapping paper, a magazine subscription, or some knickknack every so often so that kids can receive tutoring.
What kills me is that it's always a reward-based system: if your kid sells x items, your kid receives a nice, fluffy teddy bear that we will pass out in class in front of all the envious underachievers. This is totally unfair to the children of parents who cannot afford this crap. And to the children of parents who simply refuse to buy this crap. Can't the school just be happy with whatever monies they receive and put the money they would've spent on the meaningless trinkets the children lose interest in a week later toward additional tutors?
Consider this post a warning for those of you whose kids haven't entered elementary school yet. When they talk about learning their ABCs, they're actually talking about the Alec Baldwin scene from Glengarry Glen Ross.
"Chocolate milk's for closers!"
Song of the day: All I Want Is You by Barry Louis Polisar
Hard Sell
