Today, Zed was expelled from Little Gym.
Ok. Not really. I don't think you can get expelled from Little Gym as long as your fees are current. So think of it more as self-expulsion.
Regardless, we're not going back.
Zed loves Little Gym. He loves to climb on the equipment, do flips, and run around like a crazy fool the entire time. When we pull up to the strip mall where it's located, he starts smiling and is all but ready to jump out of the car before I put it in park.
And the instructors? He looooooves them. They're all cute little twentysomething girls.
Today, I ruined everything.
This week's skill was doing a flip on the balance beam. Since these kids are just normal two-year-olds and not freakish Romanian gymnasts, they needed both the instructor and the parent's help to accomplish the feat.
I was holding Zed's hips as his instructor placed Zed's hands on the balance beam. She then started him in the flipping motion. As she did this, I decided that I had better get in front of her so I could catch Zed in the followthrough.
As I hurried past the instructor, my hand moved right across her ass.
I don't know what the hell happened. I think I was like Ash in Evil Dead II and my hand just took on a life of its own.
Even though the ass-grabbing only lasted 0.8 seconds, it was enough time for me to turn red, vomit, faint, and wonder if she could file a sexual harassment suit against me.
So now we're looking for a new way to spend our Tuesday mornings.
Preferably something that doesn't excite my Evil Dead Hand.
Song Of The Day
One of the great things about opening up my DJ booth to others is that my guest will occasionally point me to a kickass song I was previously unfamiliar with. Today, SciFi Dad does just that. Thanks, man!One night at a club, I was listening to this band when the guy standing in front of me decided it would be a good idea to mosh - by himself - while everyone else stood still and listened. He bounced around and started pissing people off. Never being one to deal with annoyances well, I tossed him away when he bumped into me for the fifth time.
Apparently, he wasn't expecting my help, because the next thing I know he's in my face screaming and yelling. He was quite a bit taller than me, but I was no small guy either, so as he continued to yell, I clenched my fists and took a breath, waiting for him to throw.
He shoved. Good enough, I thought to myself, and went to lift my arm, only to discover two buddies of mine holding my wrist. They were pleading with me not to do anything, but I broke free and shoved the guy, knocking him over. Then she pried my hand open, took it in hers, and held on.
"Let go."
"No. Come here and hold my hand."
"Damnit, how can I hit him if you're holding my hand?"
"Exactly."
When the song finished, the lead singer said, "Uh, that was a song about making friends."
Song of the day: Anna Is A Speed Freak by Pure
