Pssst… Hey guys? All the women are at BlogHer this weekend, so we're free to walk around the Internet in our boxer shorts while belching and scratching our balls (as necessary).
I just spent the last three hours watching two of Major League Baseball's worst teams' Single-A farm systems square off against one another. Why would I do such a thing? $1 Draft Night, baby! So I apologize in advance for any incoherent ramblings, lapses in logic, misspellings, grammatical no-nos, and all that jazz.
Anyway, I thought now would be the perfect time to write a letter to an ex-lover.
Dear ESPN--
I can't remember when our relationship first began. '85? '86? Regardless, it's been a long time and it'll be hard to imagine life without you.
But I'm gonna try.
First of all, let's talk about your website. There was a time when I refreshed the MLB trade rumors on an hourly basis. Your fantasy football section was indispensable. Now? I have no idea because you want me to pay for these services. Everything worth reading seems to be Insider Only information. Oh sure, I get a subscription to ESPN Magazine as well as access to your Insider information for my $39.95, but come on. It's 2007. Who still reads magazines? Don't you make enough money on your site from your Circuit City, Heineken, Cisco, etc. ads? And that's not counting the 10,000 other ads telling people to watch your station, which in turn earns you more revenue. Cut me some slack, guys.
And while I don't want to go to in depth on the issue, let's just nix all future attempts at original "entertainment." I don't need a miniseries about poker, the '77 Yankees, or a movie about Dale Earnhardt. Stick with what you know -- sports.
But you don't really know sports anymore. I remember when SportsCenter was my life. On average, I probably watched it at least twice a day. Now? If I want scores or information, I head to ESPNews. There's too much extra crap I don't need on SportsCenter . First of all, you've taken up valuable real estate on my tiny bedroom television with the What's Coming Up Next bar on the right side of the screen.
But the most offensive thing lately has been the whole "Who's Now?" garbage, where you pit two athletes against each other and have viewers vote who is more important, more current, more now. Who cares? But then you devote several minutes of SportsCenter to the topic. I don't really care to see Stuart Scott discuss if Alex Rodriguez or Peyton Manning is more "now."
Last week, you had Jessica Biel and Kevin James pimping I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry joining Stuart Scott in the "Who's Now?" discussions. While I appreciate the eye candy (that Kevin James is a major hottie), my soul dies a little every time I watch one of these segments.
I know I won't be able to completely leave you. You've got me for Monday Night Football and most MLB broadcasts. But if I want to go online for scores or insight, I'll go somewhere else.
Who's Now? Not you, babe. Not anymore.
Hugs & Kisses,
Chag
P.S. I want my CDs back!
Song Of The Day
Ok. Marla from …For A Different Kind Of Girl is back for her fourth and final day as Guest DJ. I hope everyone has enjoyed hearing and reading about her selections as much as I have. If anyone else would like to DJ for a week sometime down the road, drop me a line.As much as I love music, you'd think I'd have a vast concert history to back it up. A drawer full of tattered concert t-shirts and mangled ticket stubs. Well, not so much. My first concert was Foreigner when I was in junior high. They were touring in support of the Foreigner 4 album, and I really just went because I was offered a free ticket from a friend. The experience was a bizarre one for me, for until that point, I was used to only getting tinny sounding music from my stereo. I was bit! However, where I grew up is hardly a hotbed of quality concert stops. We're a bit of a drive-through state for bands. That didn't stop me from seeing Weird Al in concert here, though. Twice! Jealous? No? Don't blame you. I don't admit that to many people. Just strangers on the internet.
The best concert I've had the opportunity to attend was U2's Zoo TV production when they stopped here. Achtung Baby is the CD that always tops my list when playing the "What would you want to have with you on a desert island" game (if the desert island was fully wired for sound and electricity. Details!), and I did all I could to be at this particular show. My seats were essentially three blocks behind my apartment, which was 40 miles away from the venue, but I didn't care. When the stadium lights went down, the stage illuminated with screens flashing "Everything You Know Is Wrong!" and "Reject Your Weakness." I went numb. Even after this long, hearing the first notes of this CD gives me pause.
And honestly, I think
"Every artist is a cannibal,
every poet is a thief.
All kill their inspiration
and sing about their grief"
is one of the best lyrics ever. Ever.
Song of the day: The Fly by U2
