Part 4 of a 14,389,003-part series that serves as a reminder that every time one of my kids does something dumb, I've done something dumber.
When I was young, we had a great set of woods in our neighborhood. A maze of trails. Abandoned treehouses and clubhouses built by children before us. A creek. Several bridges. Tire swings. A separate section of dirt trails perfect for bicycle jumping. A crazy man who lived in a shack, armed with a shotgun, a hatred of children, and lots of Styrofoam cups.
And the whole thing backed up to a prison camp. Suburbia rocks!
One year, the four of us decided to turn our beloved woods into a Haunted Forest for Halloween. Since there were only four of us, it was a rather daunting task. We worked every day after school and all day on the weekends for a solid month.
Here was the basic setup:
One of us was the trail guide while the other three of us would scare you through the subtle art of rubber masks and yelling. The trail guide led you by flashlight through the woods to our three major scary places. At Point A, you would touch eyeballs (peeled grapes; we were savvy veterans of the whole elementary school haunted house scene) and the three of us would jump out and scare you. At Point B, you would hear scary noises (the four of us moaning) played over a cassette player and the three of us would jump out and scare you. At Point C, the guide would pull a rope that would cause leaves to fall on your head (ooh! scary!) and the three of us would jump out and scare you. We even had secret trails that would allow the three of us to move quickly from Point A to Point B to Point C. We were quite clever.
Yeah, I know. It was actually very lame. But we were kids. And we were only charging two bucks.
On Halloween Eve, we practiced for several hours. Come Halloween night, we were ready. Except for one little thing.
You know that whole "if you build it, he will come" line of thought?
Total bullshit.
No one showed up. Not even our parents.
The one thing we forgot? Advertising.
We had not told anyone we were doing this.
We had not erected any signs to let people know our Haunted Forest existed.
We were idiots.
We sat in the woods all Halloween evening, freezing our asses off like sad little Linuses awaiting The Great Pumpkin.
Only Lucy never came to put us to bed.
Related:
Youthful Idiocy: Fish In A Barrel
Youthful Idiocy: The Fifth Grade Flea Market In A Bag
Youthful Idiocy: The Great Playboy Heist
Youthful Idiocy: The Haunted Forest
