I'm well aware that I will effortlessly transform into a bitter old curmudgeon during my golden years, one of those guys who's always yelling at the bagger at the supermarket not to crush his loaf of bread or writing nasty letters to companies that irritate him. So I figured I better start practicing now. Plus, Mrs. Fortune made it look like so much fun.
To Whom It May Concern:
I'm sure your son or daughter has attended numerous birthday parties at our local Pump It Up facility. And I'm sure you thought to yourself, as most of us have, "This doesn't look so hard. I could just buy a couple of those $4,000 bounce houses from Sam's Club, lease a warehouse, and rent it out for birthday parties at $250 a pop. I'll retire to Cancun in ten years!"
If you build it, they will come. But it doesn't mean they'll come back.
If you're running a business that caters to children, you might want to hire employees who actually like children. I'm aware that little girl vomited all over the place, but it's not like she threw up on your teenage attendant. There was no reason for your employee to look at that little girl with so much hate and disgust in her eyes. It's just a little vomit. Hire some employees with backbone.
And would it kill your employees to be a little more hands-on? There's three of them roaming around the premises, but all they seem to be doing is bellowing "Slow down!" or "Slide feet first!" or "Oh my God! Is that kid vomiting?" at random children .Wouldn't they be better utilized actually helping our children up the ladders so we adults don't have to stop gossiping about the other adults and children who didn't show up to the party talking to each other? If we wanted to play with our children, the birthday party would've been held at a park.
And while I realize there's always some little wuss at the party who will not go down the slides or jump no matter how much his mother begs and pleads, I do not believe you should cater to, and thereby validate, this kid's trepidation by bringing out a car for him to ride. Do you have any idea what happens when you introduce one car to a roomful of three-year-olds? Words like bloodbath and melee come to mind.
And in regards to your company's slogan: we all loved the 'got milk?' ads when they started thirteen years ago. But 'got fun?' just doesn't cut it in this day and age. Create a slogan that's a little more edgy, a little more hip. Create a slogan that hasn't been co-opted by every other no-talent marketing mind for the past thirteen years. got fun? doesn't tell me anything. You could be advertising for a baseball team or vibrators for all I know.
In closing, I believe if you address all of my concerns, you will create an experience every bit as much fun as Pump It Up.
Hugs & Kisses,
Chag
An Open Letter To The Local Pump It Up Wannabes
