How Birth Control Destroyed Two Childhood Memories

Dear Bayer Healthcare Pharmaceuticals, Inc.--

I just recently saw the latest commercial for YAZ, your birth control pill that has also been "proven to treat emotional and physical premenstrual symptoms." I know you received a lot of flack for the stilted acting in your previous commercial, but your new ad is worse.

At least to our family.

I cannot believe you used Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It as the theme music for the commercial. I loved this song and this band. I spent a good portion of my final semester of 8th Grade Band getting yelled at by the teacher for trying to play the song's opening drum solo in class. Yeah, I know I was supposed to be playing the trombone instead, but that beat was too cool not to try out every now and then.

And while I'm at it, don't you want people to take your drug? Yes? Then why would you use a song that says "We're not gonna take it" over and over? Sounds like someone skipped an important lecture in Marketing 101.

And then there's my son, Zed. Your new commercial has perverted one of his childhood memories as well. Here, let him take over the keyboard:

Laks asldao0werolkn asssss woiweoiwe 3medoaslkja opsiu439u n4q9875u qoij asd;flkjlaskdjf owiweowowoslk sssswiiww laksjslkjas askljksjdlksdjfs. 0984al;wk jl293 ;alskfj laksjd-022

Allow me to decipher this for you: he's pretty pissed (you can tell by the word "asssss"). You may have thought you were using a relatively unknown actress when you hired Karla Mosley to appear in the ad, but she is not unknown in Zed's world. To Zed, Ms. Mosley is Karla from Hi-5.

For the longest time, Hi-5 was the only television show he would show any interest in. And Karla was his favorite actor. He was in love with her. When she would come on the screen, he would get this big, goofy grin on his face. And while he has since outgrown Hi-5, his love for Karla remains. You never forget your first love.

The Hi-5 girls are wholesome; they should not be hawking birth control. That would be like a former Mouseketeer being ordered by a judge to take parenting classes and undergo drug testing.

Oh wait. My bad.

Hugs & Kisses,
Chag

Song of the day: We're Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister